The Epically Awesome Adventures With the Cullens
by TickTockBANG555
Summary: The Epically Awesome Adventures With the Cullens. Warning: Not responsible for damaging mental health. You clicked it, remember? Written with Sebastian Silverhand, who writes most of it... cough cough... oh look, a bird...
1. Chapter 1

The Epically Awesome Adventures With The Cullens. _(Whoop whoop!)_

Emmett: GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAAAAAT?

Edward: What?

Emmett: I. Have. BUBBLE SOAP.

Edward: _*Sarcastic* _Wooow. Bubble soap. Magical.

Emmett: I know!

Edward: I don't think you picked up on that-

Emmett: Silence, young one.

Edward: I'm older-

Emmett: SILENCE! You WILL blow bubbles with me.

Edward: Uh, no.

Emmett: YES.

Edward: No. I'm going to see Bella.

Emmett: NO. BUBBLES.

Edward: NO. BELLA.

Emmett: Ha HA! You said "No Bella," which means Bella isn't gonna be in on the bubble-blowing fun! BUUUURN!

Edward: Goodbye.

Emmett: Edward _*screws cap slowly off of bubble soap* _you WILL blow bubbles.

Edward: No.

Emmett: Then… DRINK BUBBLE SOAP!

Edward: NO!

_*15.7 minutes later*_

Esme: WHAT IS THIS? _*Gestures towards wet mess of her house*_

Edward: He _*bubbly hiccup* _he _*hiccup*_…

Emmett: He. Wouldn't. Blow. Bubbles.

_*Jasper walks in*_

Jasper: Hey guys. Sup Em?

Emmett: Heeeeeeeeeyyyyyy Jazz, I got BUBBLE SOAP! Come wif me and my bubbly _*hiccup*_ soapyyyy

Jasper: Wha?

_*Emmett drags Jasper upstairs, and that's that.*_

Esme: _*puts hands on hips*_ Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, clear up this mess right this instant or you're ground for a few decades.

Edward: _*hiccups and starts cleaning*_

_*Hiccupping sounds from upstairs, along with manic laughter and sudden bubbly silence*_

Edward: Better make sure they haven't destroyed anything or I'll be blamed for that, then I'll be like Meh, and Emmett will be like HAHAHAHA…_*mumbles to self*_

_*Edward opens the bathroom door*_

Edward: OH MY HOLY FUCKING CRAP! _*faints*_

_*Jasper and Emmett are in the middle of a steamy make out session*_

Edward: _*waves arms around, trying to clear the steam* _WHERE THE CRAP DID ALL THIS STEAM COME FROM?

_*Edward randomly falls down the stairs backwards*_

Esme: Why are you on the floor?

Edward: Eh- Emmett- Jasper- my eyes-

Esme: Just clean up this mess!

_Edward: *Mumbles incoherently and cleans up the messy mess*_

_*One clean mansion later*_

Edward: Eat it, house! You're clean! BWAHAHA!

_*Doorbell rings*_

Edward: Bleck. People.

_*Answers door. Mike is standing there, looking like a idiot, which is probably normal for him…*_

Mike: Is Bella here?

Edward: No. And you didn't check her house why?

Mike: Dunno. Can I come in?

Edward: No.

Mike: Great! _*Walks into house, leaving mud and junk on the once-sparkly floor.*_

Edward: You Ruined. The. Floor.

Mike: Oh, sorry. Well, I'll just go…

Edward: No you won't. _*Hits Mike over the head with a rubber chicken. Mike falls to the floor.*_

_**When Mike wakes up, tied to a chair in a dark room with a spotlight on him.**_

Mike: Hello?

Voice: Hello, Michael.

Mike: Who's there?

_*Edward walks into the light, dragging a TV.*_

Mike: Edward! What is this? Are we gonna…

Edward: _*Reads pervy thoughts* _NO! That's nasty! My braiiiiin!

Mike: Oh… then are you a vampire that lured me to this room and you will videotape my torture until someone hot comes to save me?

Edward: Uh… sorta. But no one will save you! MWUAHAHAHAHA! _*Pulls out a piece of pink unicorn paper* _Does… THIS look familiar?

_*Mike takes paper*_

Edward: Say it. Out loud. Say it.

Mike: What? Okay then… "January 2nd, 2008. I HATE Dora the Explorer with a fiery passion of hatred." How did you get this page from my dia- I mean, man journal?

Edward: I HAVE WAYS! _*Clicks button on remote.*_

TV: Come on, bamanos! Everybody let's go!

Mike: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

_*Edward walks out of room, leaving Mike in there with Dora for two days.*_

Mike: _*Head lulls to side and mumbling incoherently*_

Edward: Have you learned your lesson? NEVER come into my house and RUIN IT! And… DORA IS MY IDOL! HOW DARE YOU! _*Slaps Mike across the face, turns on light, and chucks Mike out the window.*_

Edward: Okay, so I cleaned the house and took out the MikeTrash, what now?

_*Alice, some girl, Jacob and some other girl all came in*_

Edward: Alice, who's those girls, and why is the mutt here?

Alice: Jacob is here cause he gets us crack-I mean, he's here cause he's going out with that girl, she's called Maelee, and this is girl called Felyx. SHE'S MINE. _*Alice bites Edward's shoulder.* _You look like a banana….

_*Edward screams and starts jumping around like a mutated bunny rabbit that looks like a banana, clutching his shoulder*_

Alice: Heh.


	2. Bananas

The Epically Awesome Adventures With The Cullens. _(Whoop whoop!)_

_*Bella runs out the bathroom screaming*_

Bella: OH NOEZ! THE TOILET IS COMING AFTER ME! Crap…IT'S CATCHING UP! SAVE MEEEE! _*runs into wall*_

Edward: OMGOMGOMG BELLA! OH NO! _*sob* _YOU'RE DEAD!

Bella: Edward. I'm not dead. Prat.

Edward: Phew. I mean, Uh, I knew that…

Bella: Whatever. Are you gonna get rid of that killer toilet or what?

Edward: Uh… okay… _*goes to bathroom. Toilet is just sitting there.*_ Are you sure the… toilet… was coming after you?

Bella: Uh, yeah! DUUUUH.

_*Alice comes at hyper vampire speed*_

Alice: HI HI HI HI HI HI HIIIIIIII!

Bella: OMG! Aliiiiiiice! HIIIIII!

Alice: I missed you for that long time. How long was it?

Bella: Two minutes.

Alice: A LIFETIME!

Edward: Alice, what did you do to my Bella?

Alice: Psh, chillax Edizzle.

Edizzle: _*Goes back to bathroom* _What's all of this crap on the floor?

Alice: Cra- uh… er… sugah…

*_Jacob, Mealee and Felyx come in*_

Felyx: _*Gasp* _ALICE!

Alice: FELYX! _*Both squeal and hug*_ I MISSED YOU!

Felyx: I MISSED YOU MOREER!

Mealee: AAAAAH! Killer toilet of DOOOOM!

Edward: There's nothing wrong with that toilet!

_*Mysterious groan*_

_*Mealee, Alice, Bella, Felyx, and Jacob all shriek like teenage girls in a horror film*_

Felyx: THE TOILET IS ALIVE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES EVERYBODY!

_*Emmett and Jasper stumbled out, looking dishevelled.*_

Edward: Oh-Ew…

Jasper: Heh.

Jacob: So were they…

Edward: Yes. Please don't talk about it…

Jacob: Make me!

_*Jacob starts thinking nasty thoughts. Edward can't handle it, and falls to the ground, withering in pain while everyone watched and wondered what was happening.*_

Jacob: _*Cackles evilly*_

Edward: Brain… _friiiied…_

Emmett: Jacob can magically fry brains? Huzzah!

Jasper: Edward's feeling…disturbed… I can only say that we're gonna have a brain bleach. Everybody! RUN FROM THE BLEACH! ATTACK EDWARD!

Alice: ATTAAAAAACK!

_*Everyone stares at Edward and thinks disturbing things. Edward screams and thrashes on the floor.*_

Jasper: Wait, Bella, he can't read your mind…

Bella: Oh yeah. Ha ha ha. It just looked fun… _*Starts hopping up and down grinning.*_

Edward: The pain… must… retreat…

_*Torture goes on for several hours and Bella fell asleep*_

Alice: I'm running out of thoughts…

Emmett: Really? I'm not! MWUAHAHAHAHA!

Jacob: Well… it's a little disturbing that you have so many…

Jasper: _*Giggles*_ sorry for supplying them… _*Giggles with Emmett*_

Emmett: So… bye! _*Jasper and Emmett run to the bathroom, still giggling*_

Alice: Okay then… wow, Edward still looks like a banana…

Jacob: I'm leaving. Let's go, ladies.

Alice: Yeah, this is getting boring. Edward's pain is only amusing for so long. Edward! _*She snaps at_ _him like a doggy*_ You are now my bitch. Let's go.

Edward: Noooo… the horror…

Alice: Come, bitch!

Edward: _*Sigh*_ Fine…

_*Everyone throws bananas at Mike Newton's house, where he can do nothing because Edward broke him.*_

Bella: _*Waking up*_ I have to pee… _*walks in on Emmett and Jasper*_ EEK! _*Pees her pants and goes back to sleep*_


	3. Da Rez

A/N: Just to clear stuff up, I [Flurffee] is Mealee and my awesomely epic co-authory person (who does most of the work) [-FairyFreak12-] is Felyx. LETS GO!

The Epically Awesome Adventures With The Cullens. _(Whoop whoop!)_

Emmett: Yo Bells! Where ya dawgs gone?

Bella: Uhh…The Rez?

Emmett: Great! I'll take Maelee, so they can't eat me or Jazzy. Heh.

Jasper: Heh.

Mealee: Uh… heh…

Jasper, Emmett and Bella: …

Mealee: I WANTED TO FIT IN! Don't JUDGE me!

Emmett: … Well then… let's go homies!

_*Jasper, Emmett and Mealee skip on over to the rez… la la la… skipping…*_

Emmett: _*Leading the way into Jacob's house* _Yo, Jacob!

Mealee: Jakeycake! _*Runs to Jacob*_

Jasper and Emmett: JAKEYCAKE!

Emmett: Anyway, we need some crack. And bubble soap. Hook us up, home dawg!

Jacob: Dudeeeee, I just like, totally run outta crack…But I got weed, and cocaine, and herione with a slight chance of meatballs with meth. And Sam stocks da bubble soap now.

Emmett: Bleh. Food. How bout dat weed?

Jacob: _*Hands over weed* _There ya go!

Emmett: *_hands over cash* _Nice doin' business with ya, Dawg.

Jacob: I'm out y'all…Peace! _*Disappears in a puff of green and bubbley smoke*_

Jasper: Heh.

_*Sam walks in*_

Sam: Hey, yo, Jake, I need some crack-WHAT YOU DOING 'ERE?

Jasper: We gettin' our crack yo, but he dun have none, so we like, got weed instead. You got our bubble soap?

Sam: …Grass?

Emmett: WEED!

Sam: …?

Emmett: Never mind…Bubbles?

Sam: _*pulls out 8 pack of bubbles* _This?

Jasper: Sure yo. Ya want the stuff?

Sam: _*excited* _Give yo!

Jasper: _*passes over secret bag and takes bubbles* _Thanks!

Sam: *_opens bag and sticks head inside* _Ahhh…the sweet scent of powered sugar…I mean cocaine…

Jasper: Sure, Sure.

Emmett: Yeeeahhh…Let's goo.


	4. La Paint Baby

**A/N: Heyyy, We'z back! (: Hope ya like it…Oh, and review if you wanna see anything in the next chapter ;)**

Jasper: EMMETT! EMMETT! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE! I MADE A DISCOVERY! WAHAHAHAAA!

Emmett: _*comes charging down the stairs*_ Yeah, what is it? WHAT IS IT? HUH? I WANNA KNOW! TELL MEEEEE! PWEASEY!

Jasper: _*gestures to computer* _I found this!

Emmett: _*peers at computer* _OH MY GOODNESS! AMAZINGNESS!

Jasper: _*points to square* _Yeah, if I weren't a total awesome sauce vampy, my eye would be dat shade. _*moves mouse over it* _IT'S CALLED POWDER BLUE! AWESOME!

Emmett: _*points to another square* _DUDE, THAT'S MINE! CHOCOLATE BROWN! WAHAHAHA! WHAT'S EDDIES?

Jasper: _*jabs finger at a green square* _PEAPOD! AHAHA! THAT'S HIS NEW NAME! HEY, EDDIE! GET DOWN HERE!

Emmett: YEAH, WE GOTS A NEW NICKY FOR YOU! PEAPOD! WAHAHAHA

Edward: Screw you

Jasper: CAN DO!

Emmett: Hey, Jazzy, I got some happy grass, ya wanna hot box the bathroom?

Jasper: _*grins manically* _Sure!

_*Jasper and Emmett run up all ninja swift to the Bathroom of Supreme Awesomeness where Edward was hiding in the bathtub*_

Edward: Ew. Not good for my mind…

_*Alice, Felyx, Mealee, and Jacob come in*_

Alice: Peapod!

Edward: Don't call me that.

Jacob: It's either that or "numb nuts." Your choice, dude.

Edward: Uh… okay…

Alice: Then PEAPOD! We are going to par-taaaay.

Mealee: TEAM! To the bat cave!

_*Jasper, Emmett, Felyx, Alice, Jacob, and Mealee run up to the bat cave*_

Jasper: Let's hotbox the shit outta this place.

Emmett: _*pulls out crack, heroine, weed, meth and cocaine.* _LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!

Alice: Woooo! _*starts steaming up the room*_

_*They all get high and all that jazz*_

Edward: _*Pops out of bathtub* _AH HA! I'm so telling on yooooou! Hee hee hee… _*Passes out*_

Mealee: … Well then…

_*In Edward's super awesome dream land…*_

Edward: Whoa… _*Turns to a near by llama* _where am I?

Llama: Llama Land. Did you not get the hint with all of the llamas?

Edward: _*Just now noticing all of the llamas* _SWEET!

_*Jacob, Alice, Felyx, Jasper, Emmett and Mealee all appear out of nowhere*_

Edward: How did you guys get here?

Emmett: We've done this like 5 zillion times. This epic place isn't exactly a secret.

Jasper: Where should we go?

Mealee: UNICORNLAND!

Edward: But this is Llama Land.

Felyx: Yeah. We go through Llama Land to get there. DUUUUH.

Alice: LET'S GO!

_*They all skip along*_

All: _*singing* _WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE LLAMA, THE WONDERFUL LLAMA OF UNICORNS!

Edward: _*trips over grass, and face plants into llama crap.* _Oh crap.

_*Everyone except Eddie bursts out laughing*_

_*In reality, Edward is laying in the bathtub twitching, while the others are partying/fucking their brains out*_

Emmett: WOOOO! YEAHHH! _*runs into wall, and bounces off it*_

_*Back in Llama Land*_

Edward: _*pulls face outta llama crap* _Hey, guys, that wasn't funny-Where'd you all go?

_*Random blue and green penguin waddles by*_

Penguin: Hello young fella, how are you on this fine day? _*raises hat*_

Edward: WHAT. THE. CRAP?

Penguin: _*smacks him in the nuts with an umbrella and runs away* _SQUAWK!

_*In reality*_

Jasper: YEAH! WOOOO!

Emmett: *_looks at bathtub* _Dude, Eddie's out for the COUNT! Let's go places…

_*They all run out, still high*_


	5. Damn Teachers!

**Let's gooooooo! Flurffee's (me!) starting it this time! (I usually… don't…)**

* * *

Emmett: COME, FAMILY! _*Sits at kitchen table as everyone comes*_

Edward: Emmett… what is THAT doing here? _*Points to the deer laying in the table*_

Emmett: FAMILY BREAKFAST! Huzzah!

Rosalie: Uh… no. Just…no. Let's go to BORING school where we do BORING things that are… boring.

Emmett: FINE! _*Chucks deer out the window* _Let's go, then.

_*They all get into Edward's Volvo*_

Esme: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WINDOW?!

Emmett: Shit! Drive, drive, drive!

_*Edward drive drive drives! to school and skids into the parking lot*_

Emmett: EVERYBODY OUT! QUICK!

_*Everybody gets out and runs into school, skidding into their respective classes to hide*_

Bella: Hey, Jasper, don't you think they're overreacting?

Jasper: Nah, this is perfectly normal.

_*Teacher walks in. Bella and Jasper sit down*_

Teacher: Today, we will be revising certain aspects of…Bla bla bla bla _*Nobody really listens*_

Bella: _*hums to self*_

Teacher: MR HALE! _*points at person in question* _HOW DO YOU SPELL APOSTROPHE?

Jasper: _*stands up* _A p p o s t r o f f y.

Teacher: WRONG, MR HALE! IT'S A P O S T R O P E!

Jasper: You asked me how I spell it. That's how I spell it. OWNED!

Teacher: DETENTION, MR HALE!

Jasper: Screw you.

Teacher: PARDON ME, MR HALE?

Bella: _*Giggles*_

Teacher: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, MISS SWAN?

Bella: Yup.

Teacher: DENTENTION, MISS SWAN!

_*Meanwhile in Alice and Felyx's class…*_

Felyx: _*smacks head on desk* _I forgot my iPod…

Alice: Wanna share mine? _*offers earbud*_

Felyx: Sure! _*Takes earbud*_

_*Teacher is babbling on about something or other. Felyx and Alice start dancing in their chairs, and singing*_

Both: _*singing* _You! I wanna take you to a gay bar, I wanna take you to a gay bar, I wanna take you to a gay bar, gay bar, gay bar.

Teacher: CULLENS! STOP THAT SINGING AND SIT STILL!

Both: _*still singing* _I've got something to put in you, I've got something to put in you, I've got something to put in you, At the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar. _*shouts* _WOW!

Teacher: _*walks over to them, and pulls out earbuds*_

Felyx: HEY!

Alice: Twat…

Teacher: Excuse me?! Detention, both of you.

Felyx: _*thinks and smiles evilly*_

Teacher: What are you smirking at young lady?

Alice: Your face

_*Teacher suddenly jumps up on her desk and starts doing the can can*_

Alice: Sure, okay. We can't randomly burst out into song in the middle of class, but YOU can do the freaking can can?

Teacher: I can do whatever I want! MWUAHAHAHA! _*Continues doing the can can*_

_*Emmett and Melee's Social Studies class*_

Teacher: Blah blah blah… social social… today bla bla bla

Emmett: Mealee! Pssst! Mealee!

Mealee: What?

Emmett: I forget… wait! I remember!

Mealee: What?

Emmett: HIIIII…

Teacher: Mr. Cullen, what are you doing?

Emmett: Knitting, why? What does it look like I'm doing? Your Mom? BURN! _*Mealee and Emmett bust a rock from that wicked sweet burn*_

Teacher: MR. CULLEN!

Emmett: Ya, mon?

Teacher: Pay attention… and don't talk with a Jamaican accent.

Emmett: Whateva, mon.

Teacher: Seriously, stop.

Emmett: Alright, mon.

Teacher: DETENTION!

Emmett: What did I do? Besides say I was gonna screw your mom and talk with an awesome accent? NOTHING. I think we know who won THAT argument…

Mealee: Ooooh, burn!

_*Emmett and Mealee crack up laughing*_

Teacher: _*fumes* _DETENTIONS!

Emmett: Go fuck a cactus, mon.

_*In Edward and Rosalie's history class…*_

Teacher: So, stuff happened. Long ago…

Rosalie: This is boring. Bleeeh.

Edward: _*Taking careful notes* _La la la… I'm smart… go me…

Rosalie: Nerd… hmm… boredom plus mind-reading nerd equals fun for Rosalie… I rock at math…

_*She unleashes her mind powers (Pervy thoughts) on Edward*_

Edward: _*Eye twitches* _Noooo… happy thoughts, happy thoughts… puppies, rainbows, Unicornland…

_*Rosalie thinks about what Emmett and Jasper were doing in the bathroom yesterday…*_

Edward: AHHHHHH! NOOOOOO! _*Falls onto the floor and flails around* _MAKE IT STOOOOOP!

Teacher: He's seizing! Call 911!

_*Rosalie stops mind-torture. Edward stops flailing and_ _gets back into chair like nothing happened.*_

Edward: Continue.

Teacher: Uh, are you okay?

Edward: Fine, why?

Teacher: Uh… okay… blah blah blah, history…

_*Rosalie starts mind torture, and Edward falls onto the floor again, being all spazzy.*_

Teacher: Mr. Cullen!

_*Rosalie stops again, and Edward acts normal again*_

Teacher: Mr. Cullen, what is that?

Edward: What? Uh, nothing. Continue.

Teacher: In the future, please try and behave yourself.

Edward: Okay.

_*The whole thing happens again.*_

Teacher: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING BUT YOU HAVE A DETENTION!

Edward: Nooooo! It was Rosalie!

Teacher: DETENTION!

Rosalie: WHAT?! I WAS DOING NOTHING!

Teacher: Too bad! I just don't like you, and now I have a reason to give you a detention. MWUAHAHAHAHA!

Rosalie: Go screw yourself bitch.

_*Later, at lunch*_

Jasper: Hey guys, me n Bella got a detention…

Emmett: What for? Me and Mealee got one too…

Jasper: I *cough* owned the teacher, and Bella was giggling…What bout you?

Emmett: Hah! Well…We gave the teacher burns…and I talked in a Jamaican accent…And told him to fuck a cactus in said accent *eye twitch*

Felyx: Me n Alice got a det as well…For singing, dancing and making the teacher do the can can on her desk…

*Edward drags himself in with a very displeased/amused Rosalie following*

Edward: I got a detention *uber glumness*

Rosalie: Heh

Alice: Awesome!

Edward: NO IT'S NOT! SHE…SHE…THE THOUGHTS…MY BRAIN!

Rosalie: For those of you who don't know, I tortured him, and then stopped and teacher was all STOP THAT CULLEN! And then I was like heh, and it was like DETENTION! And I was like WHAAAAAT? Yeah.

Mealee: Heh.

_*Mike Newton struts across the room and casually leans against their table and starts hitting on Rosalie. Suddenly, various fruits smack Mike on the head, closely followed by a plate and a tray.*_

Mysterious Voice: Stay away from my girl.

*_Everyone turns and looks, and surprisingly, Seth walks through the door*_

Mike: Who are you?

Seth: I'm Seth, bitch. _*Holds up a mango*_

Mike: EEK! _*Runs from the room screaming*_

Rosalie: Seth?! Did you just…?

Seth: Yeah. Bitchin' right?

Rosalie: My hero!

_*Seth and Rosalie start making out on a table just as the principal walks in*_

Principal: Ms. Cullen! Uh… hunky Indian dude… what are you doing?!

Rosalie: Uh, making out. I guess you wouldn't know seeing as you never have…

Principal: DETENTION!

Rosalie: Already have one. Stick that in your juice box and SUCK IT.

_*Seth chuckles like a cool dude*_

Principal: Then that dude has a detention! HA!

Seth: Bleh. Fine. Twat…

_*Principal leaves all huffy as Mike returns with a shield*_

Mike: Hey Mealee_ *shuffles past Seth* _Wassuuuup?

Maelee: The ceiling.

Mike: Ha ha ha ha! You're funny…

Mealee: Uh, okay…

Mike: Are you wearing space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world.

Mealee: _*Sarcastic* _That's not creepy… leave now.

Mike: Naw… I think I'll- _*Gets hit in the head with broccoli*_ AH!

_*Jacob comes in*_

Jacob: ARE YOU HITTING ON MY GIRL?

Mealee: That would be a compliment if it wasn't MIKE…

Jacob: You're dead…

_*Jacob beats Mike up and all of the noise (Mike crying and everyone laughing) gets the principal back in there*_

Principal: WHAT'S GOING ON NOW?!

Jacob: Nooooothin' _*sits on Mike's head*_

Principal: DETENTION!

Emmett: You know what this means?

Jasper: What?

Emmett: GROUP DETENTION! PAR-TAAAAY!

_*Luckily, the afternoon passes without anymore mishaps, and they all trudge along to the detention room*_

Teacher: There you are! Jasper, sit in the back in one corner, Edward in the other corner. Emmett, sit by my desk, Rosalie, sit in the middle of the back, Seth, sit by the door, if you try to escape, I will duct tape you to your chair, Jacob, sit behind Emmett, Maelee, sit behind Seth, Felyx, sit in the middle of the front, and Alice, in the middle of the middle. I'm watching you. Always watching.

Emmett: Stalker.

Teacher: Detention.

Emmett: Already in one.

Teacher: Meh.

Emmett: Owned.

Teacher: I don't want to hear ANY talking.

Mealee: You just heard YOURSELF talking. Ha HA.

Teacher: …

Emmett: Owned.

Teacher: I do not tolerate being mocked! Now be quiet. This is a punishment, not recess. _*Leans back in chair and closes eyes*_

Edward: So I guess it's naptime…

Teacher: SHUT UP.

Bella: Well… that was rude…

_*Ten minutes pass, and Teacher dude is snoring*_

Seth: Well… bye. _*Gets up*_

Teacher: AH HA!

Seth: Shiiiit.

Teacher: _*Pulls duct tape from desk*_ I told you what would happen if you tried to escape… _*grabs Seth, throws him in the chair, and starts duct taping him to it*_

Seth: RAPE!

Teacher: Oh, shut up.

Jasper: Stalker AND rapist?

Teacher: I am NOT a stalker OR a rapist.

Alice: Of COURSE your not…

Teacher: I am a teacher.

Jacob: Sure sure

Felyx: Heh.

_*Teacher jumps up on desk and starts clucking like a chicken while Emmett films it*_

Seth: Help!?

Maelee: Sure! *jumps over table, and starts untaping him*

Jasper: Alright, let's get the shit outta here _*They all run out, and leave the teacher clucking*_

Emmett: Quick! To the VOLVO-MOBILE!

_*They all jumped into Edward's Volvo and zoom home. They charge through the door and suddenly stop*_

Esme: Who broke my window?

* * *

**End! Like it? It's extra long cause we love you. Btw, Seth+Jacob have transferred to Forks High School. It makes it more interesting.**

**People! Check out -FairyFreak12-, the main writer of this. She started this and comes up with most of it, but she's not getting the reviews. BUT she writes a crapload of other awesomeness, so CHECK IT OUT! **


	6. The Llamas

Emmett: Hey, anyone want a hotbox party?

_*Everyone except Edward agrees and they all [except Edward] rush to the bathroom*_

Edward: Who needs them? I'm gonna start a Llama Band. Yeah! A Llama Band!

_*Edward goes to pet shop, but they don't sell Llama's. So he goes to Bella's great aunts Llama Farm*_

Bella's Great Aunt: How many llamas do you need?

Edward: Twelve. I'm starting a band.

Bella's Great Aunt: You need twelve llamas… for a band?

Edward: Uh, yeah! Genius, right? Yes, yes it is…

Bella's Great Aunt: Why do you need so many?

Edward: Drums, guitar, bass, lead singer, tambourine, maracas, and back up dancers.

Bella's Great Aunt: Whatevah. Just give me da money. _*Edward gives her da money* _Now BE GONE FROM ME.

Edward: Well then… _*Takes llamas and goes home*_

Edward: Here we are, my lovely llamas. This is your new home!

Llama 1: _*Llama noise*_

Edward: Let's get you some clothes! *_Skips up the stairs happily with llamas following behind* _

Edward: You can wear some of Alice's pretty dresses.

Llama 2: _*Llama noise*_

Edward: Great. _*Gets dresses and puts them on the llamas* _Now, you all need names! Okay… You'll be Cornelius, and you'll be Tyreesa, and you'll be Fwank, which is like Frank but gangsta-fied. You're Cheezecake, you're Banana, n you're Chaos, you can be Cookie, and you can be Nugget. You're Nes, and you're Brookey. You can be Percy, and you, of course are Cola.

Percy: *Llama Noise*

Edward: Fantabulous! Now we get down to business. TO THE STUDIO! _*Skips down to THE STUDIO! with the llamas following*_

Edward: Okay… Cornelius will be the lead singer, Chaos is guitar, Fwank is base, Tyreesa is on the drums, Cheezecake is tambourine and Cookie is the maracas. The rest of you are back-up dancers and singers. Let's do this thang!

_*Edward leads the llamas to their places*_

Edward: Your music is in front of you. BEGIN!

_*Llamas just stare at Edward and make llama noises*_

Edward: GO!

_*Staring and noises continue*_

Edward: Come ON guys! _*They still do nothing* _What the hell kind of llamas are you if you can't sing and dance?

_*Percy bites Edward's ankle*_

Edward: BAD LLAMA! BAD! DON'T DO THAT!

Percy: *mournful Llama noise and pitiful look*

Edward: I'm sorry, it's just I love you so much.

Percy: _*happy llama noise*_

_*All the llamas crowd around Edward*_

Edward: Yay! Let's go to the Cullen's private beach…

_*Llama's nod in agreement, then they all run upstairs to find bathing suits. After, they squash into Edward's Aston Martin, and sped off to The Cullen's Private Beach*_

_*At The Cullen's Private Beach*_

Edward: WE'RE HERE! _*gets out of car and opens the doors for the Llama's to get out.* _Let's par-tay!

_*Llamas run onto the beach*_

Edward: Fwank! No eating sand! NO!

Fwank: _*Stops eating sand*_

Edward: Good llama. Here's a pickle. _*Feeds Fwank a pickle*_

Fwank: _*Happy llama noise* _

Edward: LET'S GO PLAY IN THE OCEAN EVERYONE!

_*Llamas nod in agreement and they all run into the sea*_

Edward: WOOO! IT'S SO WARM HERE! _*splashes Brookey*_

Brookey: _*drenches Edward and Cheezecake*_

_*A water war breaks out and after a while, they get hungry*_

Edward: C'mon guys, let's go get some food…

_*Llamas chase Edward up the beach. They reach their place, and sit down, and put sunglasses on*_

Edward: *_opens picnic basket and hands out lunchboxes*_ Eat up! _*Edward drinks blood instead...om nom nom…*_

All The Llamas: Om Nom Nom.

Edward: Now, we can- Cornelius! What are you doing?

_*Cornelius jumps and runs around while making loud llama noises*_

Edward: What the hell? What's that? _*Picks up empty box of fudge*_ Hmm… insane llama… empty fudge box… alright, first things first, who ate all of the fudge?

_*Llamas stare at Edward with WTF? looks*_

Edward: Maybe Cornelius is so hyper because HE ate all of the fudge…

_*Llamas nod as to say "no shit, dumbass"*_

_*Emmett's Jeep pulls up onto the beach*_

Edward: Who goes there? _*Uses a pickle as a sword and jabs it at them*_

Emmett: What are you doing here? With… llamas?

Edward: BEACH PARTY!

_*Everyone else gets out of the Jeep*_

Mealee: They're so CUTE!

Edward: Back! *_Jabs pickle sword at Mealee*_

Mealee: _*Eats pickle sword* _So why do you have llamas?

Edward: While you were having a hotbox party, I started a llama band.

Jasper: Where did you get llamas?

Edward: Bella's Great Aunt, who's MEAN…

Bella: She is not!

Edward: IS TOO! I was all, "I need twelve llamas for a band," and she was all, "Whatevah, give me da money," and then she was all "BE GONE FROM ME" and… yeah.

Rosalie: BRILLIANT ending to that FASCINATING story, Edward.

Alice: Why were my dresses all over the floor?

Edward: What, did you want naked llamas? They needed something to wear!

Alice: SO YOU TOOK MY CLOTHES?

Edward: They liked them! They were pwetty… and I saw Nugget eyeing Fwank. Llama romance! _*Points out Nugget and Fwank*_

Felyx: I think they're both guys…

Edward: BROMANCE!

Seth: Anyway, how did that band go?

Edward: Not so good… so we came here to par-tay.

Bella: So, you gonna ditch the llamas?

_*Llamas glare at Bella*_

Edward: I'm gonna keep them!

Bella: … Are you gonna eat them?

_*Llamas charge at Bella*_

Bella: AAAAAAAAAH! HELP!

Jasper: Should we do something?

Emmett: Meh. It's just Bella. Let's build a sand castle.

_*Everyone (except Bella for obvious reasons) start building a sand castle for five hours*_

Bella: _*Gasping for air* _Help… help…

Emmett: Look at this epic fortress! _*Sand castle is now an epic fortress that everyone (including the llamas)*_

Bella: Guys! Can I hide in there?

Emmett: Password?

Bella: What? I don't know!

Emmett: Then BE GONE!

_*Emmett and Bella get into a massive fight, and Edward and the Llama's sneak away and drive to…THE MALL!*_

Edward: Okay! Where should we go first?

_*Fwank wanders in the direction of Pretty Pretty Hair Salon and Spa.*_

Edward: Good choice Fwank! LET'S GO EVERYBODY!

_*They all head for Pretty Pretty Hair Salon and Spa*_

Edward: We all need MAKEOVERS!

Manager: I'm sorry, we don't give makeovers to… pets…

Edward: Oh really?_ *Uses dazzling powers* _YOU WILL OBEEEEEY ME…

Manager: I will obey…

Edward: Great! _*Edward and llamas sit down for mani/pedis.*_

_*Back at the beach…*_

Bella; I could have died! I could have been mauled by llamas! That COULD have been avoided in SOMEONE had let me into the stupid castle…

Emmett: You didn't know the password!

Bella: NO ONE TOLD ME!

Emmett: Well, who's fault is that?

Bella: YOURS!

Jasper: Well, Bella, you kind of provoked the llamas in the first place…

Bella: What? How?

Alice: I don't think llamas like it when you talk about eating them…

Bella: …

Alice: Owned.

Felyx: Wait… where did they go?

_*Everyone looks around*_

Emmett: WAAAAAAY to go, Bella.

Bella: What did I do?

Emmett: If we weren't fighting because of YOU, we would have noticed them leave.

Bella: But-

Emmett: NO! NOOOOOO. Don't speak to me, you poor excuse for a human.

Bella: _*Pouts*_

Jacob: _*Sigh*_ So we have to go look for them?

Mealee: We could… or we could have another hotbox party.

Emmett: Hotbox party! Let's go!

_*Everyone gets into the Jeep and goes back to the Cullen's mansion*_

_*Back at Pretty Pretty Hair Salon and Spa…*_

Edward: _*Flipping through a hair magazine* _What do you think is me, Brookey?

Brookey: _*Points to a picture of a girl with long hair*_

Edward: Extensions it is! _*Sits in chair in front of hairdresser* _Tina, make me FABULOUS!

Tina: Don't have to do much. You already are!

_*Tina and Edward share a girlish giggle squeal thing, then Tina works on making him FABULOUS!*_

Edward: OMG! It's Jessica and Lauren!

_*Jessica and Lauren walk in*_

Edward: Hey ladies!

Jessica: Uh… hey…

Lauren: Didn't expect to see you here. Or… them… _*Looks at llamas*_

Edward: Me neither! We're just having a spa day!

Tina: Edward, have you ever thought about going blonde? It would look great!

Edward: I know! Let's do it!

_*Tina gets blonde dye to dye Edward's now long hair*_

Lauren: Now I know why he wouldn't go out with you! He's gay!

Edward: What? Exsqueeze me? Oh no you didn't girlfriend. _*Snaps in a Z formation*_

Lauren: Oh yes I did! _*Does a sassy snap*_

Edward: Oh it's on like Donkey Kong!

Lauren: Let the Yo Mama fight begin…

Edward: Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

Lauren: Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"

Edward: Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks

Lauren: Yo mama so fat we're in her right now

Edward: _*gasps* _YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT ABOUT MY MOMMY! AND Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Lauren: Yeah? Well, Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Edward: Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

Lauren: Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her...

Edward: Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions! _*snickers* _TAKE THAT!

Lauren: _*glares* _Well, Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

Edward: Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

Lauren: Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway

Edward: But Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

Lauren: Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

Edward: _*slaps* _Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE! Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please" Yo Mama so fat, I can't hear the stereo. TAKE THAT EVIL BITCH! _*snaps in Z formation*_

Lauren: _*glares and runs out, humiliated*_

Jessica: Lol. _*runs out after her*_

Edward: Heh. _*leans back in chair to finish Spa Day with The Llamas*_


	7. The Missions Part 1

**Hey, Hey, Heyy! We're back! This time, on a mission…Not just any mission…A pranking mission…Wooo!**

* * *

**Codenames:**

**Powder-Jasper Blue-Alice**

**Bubble-Felyx Hollywood-Rosalie**

**Chocolate-Bella Tempting-Emmett**

**Tailored-Jacob Horse-Seth**

**Coffee-Maelee Peapod-Edward**

* * *

Emmett: GUYS! This day calls for a SECRET MISSION!

Bella: Why today?

Emmett: DO NOT QUESTION MY MOTIVES! But if you must know… I'm bored and wanna do something.

Edward: So what would we do on this mission?

Emmett: PRANKING MISSION! MWUAHAHAHA! Now we must get the others! TO THE BAT MOBILE!

_*Edward, Emmett, Bella, Felyx, Jasper, and Alice cram into Edward's Volvo*_

Jasper: Where are we going?

Emmett: LA PUSH! Hee hee, that's such a weird name for a place…

_*They go to Jacob's house, where Jacob, Mealee, Rosalie, And Seth are*_

Emmett: Good, you're all here! We're going on an epic mission OF PRANKING!

Seth: Bitchin'. Let's go.

_*Everyone crams into the Volvo… or attempts to…*_

Emmett: I don't think this is gonna work…

Rosalie: Amazing observation, Emmett.

Felyx: I think we'll all fit if someone goes in the trunk… Bella, into the trunk ya go.

Bella: Why me?

Felyx: Because I said so and YOU SHALL OBEY ME!

_*Bella jumps into the trunk, now having a silent panic attack*_

Felyx: Now that that's settled, LET'S GOOO!

_*They get in and GOOO!*_

Jacob: So… what are we gonna do in this epic prank mission?

Emmett: No idea. It just kinda came to me…

_*They're driving past school…*_

Mealee: Is the principal in his office STILL? He needs a life…

Emmett: AH HA! I know what we shall do! But FIRST we need supplies and code names! TO WAL MART!

_*They go to WAL MART!*_

Emmett: Okay, we need to split up. Felyx and Alice, get items on this list _*hands over orange list*_, Rose and Seth, get stuff from this one _*hands over green one*_,Maelee and Jacob, get

ones from this _*hands over blue list* _Jasper, me and you get this one _*gives red list to Jasper* _Edward and Bella, this-Wait…Where's Bella?

Edward: You twat, you left her in the car.

Emmett: _*points to Felyx* _SHE DID IT!

Felyx: Didn't. This was your idea. _*crosses arms*_

Emmett: Bleh. _*sticks out tongue*_

Edward: I'll get Bella, give me the list.

Emmett: OKAY! _*hands over yellow list*_

_*They head to their aisles, except for Edward, who has to go get Bella.*_

_*Felyx and Alice…*_

Alice: Okay… the first thing on the list is glitter pens…

Felyx: YESSS. Let's go DOMINATE.

_*Felyx and Alice find the glitter pen section of the aisle*_

Alice: THEY'RE GONE!

Felyx: Wha? NOOOOOO! _*Falls to knees* _WHYYYYYYY?!

Alice: Wait… _*Spots kid with a cart full of glitter pens* _Hey kid!

Kid: What?

Alice: We need some glitter pens!

Kid: Too bad! MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Alice: BROOOOARAAAAAAAAWGGGGG! _*Goes to hit kid*_

Felyx: Wait! We can settle this!

Kid: You can leave!

Felyx: Or… _*Grabs cart* _RUN LIKE HELL!

*Alice and Felyx RUN LIKE HELL while being chased by the kid. They run into the girl's bathroom*

Alice: _*Locks door* _BURN KID! BUUUUURN!

Felyx: Wait… why do we need glitter pens?

Alice: I don't know… Emmett made the lists.

Felyx: That would explain it.

_*Seth and Rosalie* _

Seth: Right, so the first thing on the list is Toilet Paper.

Rosalie: Are you serious?

Seth: This is Emmett we're talking about.

Rosalie: Good point, let's get that toilet paper.

_*They walk down to the toilet paper section, and suddenly, Seth has a brilliant idea!*_

Seth: I has an idea! Hide behind the loo paper, and jump out at people…BWUAHAHAHA!

Rosalie: Ha ha ha, loo… BUT LET'S DO IT!

_*They hide behind the loo (ha ha ha, loo…) paper*_

Seth: Someone's coming!

_*They hide behind the loo paper, and an elderly man comes hobbling around the corner*_

Seth: BOO! _*jumps out*_

Rosalie: HOLY SHIT! _*Falls out*_

Elderly man: OH NO! _*Collapses*_

Seth: Ya killed him.

Rosalie: Aw shit. Let's get the hell out of here!

_*Seth and Rosalie run like hell while someone calls an ambulance*_

Rosalie: In here! _*They run into the girl's Bathroom, but the door's locked*_

Seth: Let us in! _*The door opens and they run in*_

Rosalie: What are you guys doing in here… with glitter pens?

_*Alice and Felyx look at each other and then the glitter pens*_

Alice: Uh, we sorta stole the pens from a kid…

Felyx: It was awesome. We dominated.

Alice: Why are you guys in here?

Seth: Rosalie killed some old dude.

Rosalie: It wasn't my fault! It was your idea!

Seth: Then you laughed at the word "loo" and were like "Let's do it!"

Rosalie: Gah.

Seth: Owned.

_*Jacob and Maelee*_

Jacob: So, first thing we have to get is… plastic sporks?

Maelee: YAY! Sporks are ze bomb.

_*They walk over to the Spork section, and look at the sporks*_

Jacob: Hmm…which to get?

Maelee: ALL OF THEM! _*grabs all the sporks, and dumps them in the cart*_

Little Kid: HEY! GIMME THOSE SPORKS OR I'LL SHOOT YOU! _*holds up Nerf gun*_

Jacob: SHIT! RUNN!

_*Jacob and Maelee run like Olympic Sprinters that aren't running away from a small kid with a Nerf gun*_

Maelee: QUICK! INTO THE BOGS!

Jacob: IN THE LADIES? ARE YOU INSANE?

Maelee: YEAH, BUT I FEAR FOR MY LIFE! GET IN THERE!

Jacob: ALRIGHT…THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! HAHAHAHAHAA!

_*They run into the girls toilets with their trolley, and encounter Felyx, Alice, Seth and Rosalie.*_

Jacob: Hey, why are you here?

Felyx: Funny you should ask that…Me and Alice stole glitter pens from a kid…

Alice: It was awesome. We dominated.

Seth: And Rosalie killed some old dude.

Rosalie: Meh.

Felyx: So you had to get sporks?

Maelee: Yurp. Then some freaky kid said if we didn't give him the sporks he would shoot us with a Nerf gun. So we ran like hell. And HERE WE ARE!

Jacob: So… what do we do now?

Alice: Play DUCK DUCK GOOSE!

Rosalie: YESSS.

_*They all sit in a circle and play Duck Duck Goose*_

_*Jasper and Emmett…*_

Emmett: TO THE GARDENING SECTION!

Jasper: For what?

Emmett: A cactus and fertilizer. And we need to get dog food on the way there.

Jasper: I won't even ask why.

Emmett: Wise, wise… _*They get the dog food and go to the Gardening Section*_

Emmett: Okay, we need 146 bags of fertilizer, and 42 cactuses. Let's gooooo….

_*They get the fertilizer first, and pile it into the cart, Then Jasper gets another cart, and piles more into. Then another. Then they put cactuses in the third one…But then the Kid with the Nerf gun comes round the corner…And reaches for the last cactus….*_

Emmett: NOOO! TIS MINE! _*dives*_

Kid: It's MINE! _*runs*_

_*Kid gets it first*_

Emmett: _*points* _LOOK! A DISTRACTION!

Kid: _*gasps and looks* _YOU LIE!

Emmett: _*snatches cactus, and runs off*_

Kid: _*chases, waving Nerf gun*_ I'M GONNA GET YOU!

Emmett: SHIT! RUUUUN!

_*Jasper and Emmett run with three carts while the kid shoots at them and chases them*_

Jasper: _*Gets shot* _AH! NOOOO! _*Falls down*_

Emmett: Jasper!

Jasper: Go on… without me…

Emmett: NO! I won't leave you!

Jasper: Go! The others need you! GO!

Emmett: I'll never forget you. _*Runs into the bathroom*_

Rosalie: Emmett! Where's Jasper?

Emmett: He… he… _*sniffs* _didn't… make it… the kid… Nerf gun… _*Sobs* _He said to go on without him!

Seth: No… NOOOOO!

Felyx: How? How could this be?

Emmett: The kid was too strong…

Jacob: We have to bring that bitch down! For Jasper.

Everyone: FOR JASPER!

_*Edward and Bella…*_

Bella: I still can't believe he left me there!

Edward: _*Sighs* _I know, Bella… let's just get what's on the list and get this over with. We need… 10 packs of tin foil, 15 packs of plastic wrap, 57 bottles of toilet bowl cleaner, and 23 six-packs of bottled Mountain Dew…

Bella: YESSS! Mountain Dew! In bottles! Let's go!

_*Edward and Bella get everything on the list until they just need the Mountain Dew*_

Edward: Okay, we just need this and we can go… there's only one pack of bottled Mountain Dew left? Well, let's hurry up and-

Kid: _*Jumps out* _Not so fast! _*Holds up Nerf gun*_

Bella: AH!

Edward: Wha-what do you want?

Kid: That bottled Mountain Dew.

Edward: Fine! Take it! Just don't shoot!

_*Kid takes M.D. and runs away, cackling evilly*_

Edward: Are you okay?

Bella: Hell no! HE TOOK OUR MOUNTAIN DEW! AFTER HIM!

_*Edward and Bella use ninja skills to follow him without being caught into the storage room*_

Edward: What's he doing back here?

Bella: Hey! It's Jasper!

_*Jasper is tied up, surrounded by a whole bunch of crap the kid stole from other people*_

Bella: _*rips duck tape off Jasper's mouth* _Duuudeeee….

Jasper. Yeah. I know. Grab the duct tape, will ya? I have a feeling **[A/N: Lmao] **we might need it.

Edward: Whatevz. Let's go to…wherever the others are hiding…

Jasper: Yeah! I'll lead the way! _*breaks ropes and runs to bogs*_

Bella: Let's go_… _wait! The Mountain Dew! _*grabs all of the Mountain Dew and then follows*_

Edward: _*smacks head and follows*_

Jasper: In here…_ *They go into the ladies room*_

Emmett: JASPER! YOU'RE ALIVE! I thought you were done for when you got shot!

Edward: Wha-Emmett, it was a freaking Nerf gun. It won't kill you!

Emmett: _*Slaps Edward* _Don't back-sass me!

Alice: Let's pay for this shit and get the hell out of here.

_*They all get their carts and sneak out of the bathroom to the cash registers._

Jasper: Let's split up. It'll go faster. _*They split up to pay for their stuff*_

Emmett: _*Taps foot impatiently as elderly cashier takes forever* _HURRY UP WOMAN! _*She hurries up, looking like she's about to pee her pants*_

Alice: Everyone done? Let's get out of-OH SHIT! IT'S HIM!

Kid: Get back here!

Jacob: RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIVES!

_*They all start running while the kid chases them out into the parking lot*_

Felyx: SPLIT UP! _*They split up and the kid follows Alice and Felyx*_

Alice: WHERE'S THE CAR?!

Felyx: Over there! _*Points to car* _He's catching up! GO GO GO!

_*Alice and Felyx get to the car*_

Alice: Just shove the whole cart in there! HE'S COMING!

_*Felyx shoves the whole cart in the car and the kid grabs her*_

Kid: THOSE GLITTER PENS ARE MIIIIINE!

Felyx: NO!

Alice: I'LL SAVE YOU! _*Grabs kid and chucks him* _What does a guy want with so many glitter pens anyway? Gay…

_*Emmett and Jasper…*_

Emmett: This isn't all going to fit inn the car!

Jasper: Let's steal that big semi truck! _*They run to the big truck*_

Emmett: It's unlocked! _*Opens the back of the truck* _Chuck it all in! *_They chuck all of the supplies in* _We have to get the others!

Jasper: _*Stands on top of the truck* _GUYS! GUUUUUYS! OVER HERE! GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE!

_*Everyone jumps in, in about 2 seconds, Jasper doesn't notice, and Emmett starts driving*_

Jasper: _*clutches top* _AHHH! GUYS! HELP! I'M STILL UP HERE! SAVE _*screams like a girl*_

Emmett: _*Suddenly brakes, and Jasper goes flying into a tree, bounces off and goes through the windscreen, and lands on Emmett* _Hey.

Jasper: Heh. Hey. _*waves*_

Edward: Whateva! Can we just like, get back to da house so me and Bella can like, go snog, and I can like, get her all horny, and then like, cockblocked her?

Emmett: Nice to know…

Felyx: Heh.

_*Edward starts clucking like a chicken and singing "Jizz In My Pants" while jizzing in his pants*_

Emmett: Anyhoo…*_drives back to the House, where they unload the stuff, and go for a hotbox party*_

Edward: No Bella, No hot boxing. You will damage your brain. Let's go watch a nice safe movie.

_*In The Living Room*_

Bella: How about Kung Fu Panda?

Edward: Too violent.

Bella: Ice Age 3?

Edward: No! That's a PG. You can only watch G

Bella: Spongebob Squarepants movie?

Edward: No. Let's play I Spy instead.

Bella: Fine.

* * *

**There! Now, review, and read the next chapter! :D**


	8. The Missions Part 2

This is Chapter 7 continued! Huzzah!

* * *

**Emmett: Phase 1 is complete! Good work, minions. Now, on with Phase 2!**

**Bella: And that would be…**

**Emmett: Hush up, human person. I was getting to that. Phase 2 is calling in sick to school, then sneaking into school and pulling the pranks. MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!**

**Edward: I don't think Carlisle and Esme will call us in sick for us…**

**Emmett: Oh, Edward. You spend too much time with Bella. One of us will pretend to be them. DUUUUH. The question is who will do it and what will the excuse be?**

**Seth: Swine flu for the excuse.**

**Emmett: Ah, swine flu. Flu of the swine. Good minion. Here's a cookie.**

**Seth: **_***Takes cookie and munches it* **_**Thank you, Master.**

**Emmett: Yes yes. NOW, who will call in sick for us? **

**Felyx: **_***Snatches cookie* **_**I will!**

_***Felyx phones in sick for all of them***_

**Seth: My… cookie… you… eated… it…**

**Emmett: No worries! **_***Gives Seth another cookie***_

**Seth: YAY! **_***Stuffs whole cookie into his mouth and glares at Felyx***_

**Emmett: Okay… now that that's settled, WE NEED CODE NAMES!**

**Bella: Why?**

**Emmett: **_***Shakes head* **_**Bella Bella Bella… SHUT. UP. NOW.**

**Bella: Well then…**

**Emmett: How will we make these code names?**

**Jasper: **_***Raises hand and waves it around* **_**I know I know I know! Pick me! Pick me!**

**Emmett: Hmmm…**

**Jasper: PICK MEEEEE!**

**Emmett: Jasper?**

**Jasper: SCORE! But follow me!**

_***Everyone follows Jasper to the computer***_

**Emmett: Of course! How did I not think of this before?**

**Jasper: **_***Goes all tippy tappy spaztic on the keyboard* **_**I am Powder, Emmett is Tempting, **_***Emmett giggles* **_**Edward is Peapod, Alice is Blue, Felyx is Bubble, **_***YESSSS* **_**Rosalie is Hollywood, Bella is Chocolate, Jacob is Tailored, **_***WTF?* **_**Seth is Horse, ***_**WTF? Munch* **_**and Maelee is Coffee **_***Hyper giggle***_

**Edward: Oooookayyyy….**_***looks around***_

**Felyx: AUTOBOTS! MOVE OUT!**

_***They all go out to their cars, where all of the supplies already are***_

**Emmett: We'll have to take a few cars. **

**Edward: Emmett! What did you do to them?!**

_***All of the cars are now pink with unicorns and rainbows on them***_

**Emmett: We couldn't go in there with out regular cars! It would be suspicious! We needed a disguise!**

**Edward: My babies… **_***Pets his Vanquish and Volvo***_

**Emmett: Oh shut up. We all have to take separate cars, and all of the supplies are in them. Divide and conquer!**

_***They all get into different cars and drive to school. They get out when they get there***_

**Alice: What's the plan?**

**Emmett: Okay, so the principal's window is open. We'll split up into groups and rock this shit. Me, Edward, Bella, Felyx, and Maelee will be a group, then Jasper, Alice, Seth, Jacob, and Rosalie. Jasper and I will have walkie talkies for the next phase of the mission. My group will take the principal's office, and you guys… just go do something. MOVE OUT!**

_***Emmett's crawls on the ground toward the principal's office window, and the group follows***_

**Principal: Oops, I did it again-**

**Speaker: You're needed in the Teacher's Lounge.**

**Principal: **_***Sigh* **_**FIIIIINE…**

_***Principal leaves office***_

**Emmett: The coast is clear! Bella, get in there!**

**Bella: Why me?**

**Emmett: DON'T QUESTION ME! GET IN THERE!**

**Bella: No! You!**

_***Emmett chucks Bella through the window***_

**Edward: EMMETT! WHAT THE HELL?**

**Emmett: **_***shrug* **_**She needs to be in there, I just helped :D**

**Edward: You twat! She could have died!**

**Emmett: Ahhh, shut your pie hole, and get the crap it there **_***throws Edward in***_

_***Emmett jumps in, with Felyx and Maelee.***_

**Felyx: Let's rock this shit. **_***stands up and grabs sporks***_

**Emmett: Edward, Bella, get the cameras done. Maelee, Felyx, help me wit da sporks.**

_***They get to work, on the port a potty in the principals office***_

**Maelee: I'm still wondering why he has a port a potty in his office instead of a normal freaking bathroom… **

**Emmett: I've learned not to question some things…**

_***Emmett, Maelee and Felyx set up the sporks "creatively" while Edward and Bella set up the cameras***_

**Emmett: Shit! He's coming!**

**Principal: Myyyy milkshakes bring all da boys to the yard…**

**Emmett: Let's get the hell out of here!**

_***They all jump out the window like ninjas… except for Bella, who falls on her face***_

**Emmett: Ooooof course.**

**Bella: Shut up…**

**Emmett: Shut up! He's coming!**

_***Principal comes closer, and they can hear him singing***_

**Principal: No, no, no, no, stick to the stuff you know, if you wanna be cool, stick to the rules, Don't mess with the quo no no, stick to the status, stick to the status**_**…*walks into Port a Potty***_

**Principal: AAAAAAAAAAH! WHAT THE HELL?! SHIIIIIIIIIIT! **_***Port a potty door opens and the principal falls out whimpering***_

**Edward: Ow…**

**Emmett:**_** *Trying not to blow their cover by laughing his ass off* **_**Let's get the hell out of here before we get caught…**

_***They all crawl around the school while trying not to laugh too loud***_

_***Jasper's group…***_

**Emmett: **_***Through the walkie talkie* **_**Okay- ha ha- do you know- HA HA HA- what to do?**

**Jasper: The bombs?**

**Emmett: Yeah. DO IIIIIT.**

**Jasper: Okay, guys. We're gonna make bombs out of plastic bottles, toilet bowl cleaner, and tin foil. **

**Jacob: You can thank me, Seth, Bella, Maelee and Felyx for the bottles… we had to drink all of that Mountain Dew… we went INSANE…**

**Jasper: Okay… so we shall strike English class… I can spell apostrophe however I want…**

_***They sneak up to the door of the English classroom***_

**Teacher: blah blah blah… ya da ya da… English…**

**Jasper: Put the tin foil balls into the bottles with the toilet bowl cleaner in them, shake em up, and let em fly. GO!**

_***They all stuff the tin foil into the bottles, screw the caps on, shake them, and chuck them into the classroom***_

**Teacher: Blah blah- what are those?**

_***Bottles start to expand wickedly and they explode***_

**Teacher: AAAAAAH! Who did this?!**

**Seth: Shit. We should go.**

**Jasper: Yeah, probably, since he's COMING…**

_***They get the hell out of there* **_

_***Emmett's group***_

**Jasper: **_***through walkie talkie* **_**Heh. Heh. That was a-funneh!**

**Emmett: Yeah…HAHA! Dewd, ya wanna bang when we get back?**

**Jasper: Sure!**

**Emmett: Woo! Okay, I gotta go explode my social studies teacher….Baiiz!**

_***Emmett's group sneaks to the Social Studies room***_

**Emmett: So what do we have to work with?**

**Edward: Uh… a shitload of cactuses.**

**Emmett: Aw, I wanted to explode hiiiiim!**

**Bella: And it's cacti, Edward.**

**Emmett: **_***Shakes head* **_**Bella, if you're going to be a know-it-all, just SHUT UP. Now, I have a new plan. We shall throw cactuses at him, so he can take my advice and FUCK THEM. **

**Maelee: YESSSS.**

**Alice: Let's go!**

_***They all grab some cactuses and get ready to chuck them***_

**Teacher: Blah blah blah…**

**Emmett: GO!**

_***They all chuck the cactuses at the teacher***_

**Teacher: OH SHIIIIIIT! **_***Gets hit by cactuses* **_**The PAAAAAAIN! The PAAAAAAAIN!**

**Alice: This is awesome. Just awesome.**

**Emmett: I could cry… **_***sniff sniff* **_**THIS IS BEAUTIFUL BONDING!**__

**Felyx: Heh.**

_***Teacher starts fucking the cactuses***_

**Emmett: Disturbing, but AWESOME!**

**Edward: Doesn't that… hurt?**

**Alice: Who cares? It's funny as hell.**

**Edward: Meh.**

_***Jasper's group…***_

**Emmett: **_***Walkie talkie* **_**Dude, that was epic. Your turn.**

**Jasper: Okay. Let's regroup.**

_***They regroup and split to different groups, and go to another classroom***_

**Alice: No one's in there! Let's do this!**

_***They dump all of the fertilizer around the room***_

**Felyx: Class starts soon. Let's get out of here. **_***They hide and look at what's going on in the girl's bathroom when the students and teacher get back***_

**Teacher: What the hell is this?**

**Student: Uh, fertilizer. Duh…**

**Felyx: Heh.**

_***Teacher starts doing the can can while stripping and rolling in fertilizer***_

**Student: I feel violated and disturbed.**

**Bella: Well then… that was… interesting…**

**Jasper: You LIKED it?!**

**Bella: What? No!**

**Felyx: That's disturbing, Bella. Shame shame shame.**

**Bella: But-**

**Jasper: Let's get out of here.**

**Maelee: No!**

**Jasper: What?**

**Maelee: We should cover the toilet seats with plastic wrap!**

**Jasper: YESSS.**

**Felyx: And when someone yells EWW or asked "Who did this?" we can squirt toilet bowl cleaner at them.**

**Jasper: Brilliant! Bella, you should be of more use instead of fantasizing about the teacher!**

**Bella: I wasn't!**

**Alice: Suuuuuure ya weren't, Bella.**

**Maelee: Let's just do this shit…**

_***They go into the bathrooms and put the plastic wrap over the toilet seats***_

**Felyx: Now we have to leave, and then when someone comes in, we come back and SQUIRT THEMMM. MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!**

_***They leave and someone walks into the bathroom***_

_***Coincidentally, Mike, who is very gender confused sometimes, walked into the bathroom, and went for a pee…and sung a song, which went like this:***_

**Mike: **_***singing* **_**ABCDEFG I have to go for a pee!HIJKLMN So I use the potty with the men!OPQRST I like to sing to me!UVWXYZ Sing along with mememe!**

_***He goes pee, and all of it splashes everywhere***_

**Mike: UGH! Eeeeew! Who did that?**

**Felyx: **_***Squirts Mike with toilet bowl cleaner* **_**DO NOT QUESTION MY MOTIVES!**

**Mike: OH NOEZ! It's the BATHROOM MONSTER!**

**Felyx: Uh… sure. GROOOARBLEHHHRAAAAAWR! Be gone, you gender confused human!**

**Mike: AAAAAH! **_***Runs out of the bathroom, without washing his hands, I might add***_

**Felyx: That was awesome. **__

**Alice: HEH!**

_***Meanwhile, on the other side of the school…***_

**Emmett: Okay, what supplies do we still have?**

**Seth: Glitter pens, toilet paper, and dog food.**

**Emmett: Excellent, excellent…**

**Rosalie: You have no idea what to do, do you?**

**Emmett: Not a clue. BUT something shall come to me! **_***Sits on the floor, closes eyes, and meditates* **_**OMMMMMMMMM… I got it!**

**Edward: What?**

**Emmett: First, we shall toilet paper the classrooms and write on said TP with glitter pens!**

**Jacob: Then what will we do with the dog food?**

**Emmett: Chuck it at random people when we get the hell out of here. NOW, the classrooms are empty because of lunch. It is now we STRIKE!**

_***They all split up into different classrooms and start toilet papering the rooms with glitterfied TP***_

**Emmett: **_***When everyone's done* **_**How did all of you glitterfy your toilet paper?**

**Seth: Just wrote a crapload of cuss words on it.**

**Jacob: Just smeared it all with yellow and brown glitter glue.**

**Bella: I put rainbows and butterflies on mine.**

**Emmett: Are… are you serious?**

**Bella: It's pwetty!**

**Emmett: You know that you SUCK at this, right?**

**Bella: What? **_***Starts to cry* **_**Why would you say that to meeeeee?**

**Emmett: Some people just have to know these things about themselves… OH SHIT, people are coming!**

_***They hide in the bathroom***_

**Teacher: WHAT IS THIS?!**

**Student: Are you people idiots? WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?**

**Teacher: Don't speak. I shall find the culprit!**

**Emmett: **_***In walkie talkie* **_**Powder, abort the mission!**

**Jasper: Wha?**

**Emmett: Chuck some dog kibbles at people and get the hell out of here.**

**Jasper: Awesome. **

**Emmett: Ready?**

**Everyone: Yeah!**

**Emmett: GO!**

_***The dog food flies, but an entire bag hit's the teacher on the head and she passes out***_

**Jacob: What was that?!**

**Rosalie: What? I don't want that icky dog food smell all over me! Gross!**

_***They continue to chuck dog food (except Rosalie)***_

**Seth: This is awe- WTF?**

_***A whole bunch of dogs and Edward's llamas run into the school and start eating the dog food off of the floor and bite people***_

**Rosalie: The plot thickens!**

**Jacob: What?**

**Rosalie: I feel like I have to build suspense… did it work?**

**Jacob: Well… yeah, this is so much better now.**

**Edward: Go! Go, my minions! ATTACK THE NON-BELIEVERS! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!**

**Principal: **_***Runs out* **_**GET THEM!**

**Emmett: Shit, RUN!**

**Seth: Damn, we do this a lot…**

_***The groups run out and meet in the parking lot***_

**Emmett: He's gaining on us!**

_***The principal catches Edward***_

**Principal: GOTCHA!**

**Edward: AHHHH! NOOOOOO! HELP!**

_***Cornelius, wearing a red cape, runs to the rescue***_

**Cornelius: **_***Angry llama noise***_

**Edward: My hero!**

_***Cornelius bites the principal, who starts to cry, and Edward runs away into the car***_

**Felyx: THAT WAS AWESOME!**

**Maelee: Yeah, we ain't goin' back there…**

**Felyx: NAWWWWW, I bet we can just walk in there!**

**Maelee: No need to be RUDE…**

**Emmett: Domination, life is our creation!**

**Edward: Random…**__**but awesome…**

**Emmett: Come on, Barbie, let's go party.**

_***They go party it up like zebras***_

* * *

**That took FOREVER to do, and we passed it back and forth about 20 times. You're lucky we like you people…**

**If you don't review Cornelius will eat you, because he's out of fudge :D**


	9. Toothpaste

**Here's our minty fresh idea, courtesy of FairyFreak's/Felyx's/Awesome Chick's random mind. You go girl :D**

* * *

Emmett: Jasper! JASPER! Smell this!

Jasper: What? Okay… _*sniffs the tube Emmett has* _What is it?

Emmett: TOOTHPASTE! Spearmint… _*sniffs toothpaste* _aaah… minty fresh…

Jasper: That's… magical…

Emmett: LET'S GO BRUSH OUR TEETH!

_*They run upstairs to brush their teeth*_

Emmett: YEAH! _*Squeezes a whole bunch of toothpaste onto his toothbrush*_

Jasper: Emmett! Only the size of a pea is recommended!

Emmett: RECOMMEMDED, as in, we don't have to give a shit if we don't want to.

Jasper: _*Shrugs and squeezes a whole bunch of toothpaste onto his toothbrush*_

Emmett: This is awesome! Look! I have rabies! _*Squirts toothpaste foam out of his mouth*_ RAAAAAAWR!

Jasper: Ha ha ha!

_*Two hours of brushing their teeth later…*_

Jasper: Ya know what we should do?

Emmett: WHAT?

Jasper: Make a toothpaste club!

Emmett: NO!

Jasper: _*Pouts*_

Emmett: Clubs are for obsessive girls! This should be a CULT!

Jasper: YESSS.

Emmett: LET'S RECRUIT!

_*They run downstairs and find Edward and Bella cuddling on the couch*_

Emmett: EDWARD! BELLA!

_*Bella wakes up*_

Bella: Wha? What's goin' on?

Edward: You idiot, she was asleep.

Emmett: Why can't she sleep at her own house?

Edward: She can sleep wherever she wants!

Jasper: Do you want her to sleep here so you can stalk her easier?

Edward: What? No!

Emmett: _*cough* STALKER *cough* _Let's just get down to business! Do you guys wanna be in our… _*dramatic pause* _TOOTHPASTE CULT?!

Edward: Uh… no, I can honestly say that I DON'T.

Bella: I do!

Jasper: Great! Let's go!

_*Emmett, Jasper, and Bella run to the bathroom*_

Emmett: FIRST you must go through… initiation.

Jasper: Ooooooh…

_*Jasper and Emmett slap Bella's arm*_

Bella: OWWW! What was that for?

Jasper: INITIATION!

Bella: Did you have to do it?

Emmett: We're the founders! We don't have to! Now, for the second stage of initiation, you must brush your teeth for 2 hours.

Bella: Okay…

Jasper: DOOOO ITTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!! _*looks scary*_

_*Bella starts brushing her teeth out of pure fright, while Emmett and Jasper screw their brains out*_

Bella: I'm done. _*walks into door* _OWCH! WHO PUT THAT THERE?!

Spooky Voice: Meeeee….I'm the ghost of…errr…Barbie…Edward's OTHER girlfriend.

Bella: BUT… NOOOOOOOO!

Barbie: Yeah. Edward EATED ME. RUN WHILE YOU CAN CHILD! RUUUUUUN!

Bella: NOOOOO!

Spooky Voice 2: It is I… KEN! Edward's OTHER boyfriend.

Bella: Wha? He's GAY?!

Ken: Wasn't that obvious?

Bella: And what do you mean by OTHER boyfriend?

Spooky Voice 3: ME! Uh… BURT!

Bella: NO! NOOOOOO!

Barbie, Ken, and Burt: _*Spooky* _Yeeeees. YEEEEEEEEEES. And we're gonna GET YOU!

Bella: AAAAAAAAAAH! NOOOOOOOOO!

_*Bella runs away and falls down the stairs. SHOCK*_

Edward: Bella! Are you hurt? Are you dead? NOOO!

Bella: Edward, shut up, I'm fine. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!

Edward: Tell you what?

Bella: About… THEM!

Edward: Who's them?

Bella: _*Sob* _Your ex-Girlfriend, and other ex-boyfriends, Barbie, Ken and Burt.

Edward: Uhhh…

Bella: YOU ATE THEM. HOW COULD YOU?!

Edward: _*falls over*_

Bella: … What the hell did you do that for?

Edward: Why are you asking ME? And I never dated anyone named Barbie, Ken, or Burt.

Bella: LIAR! _*Slaps Edward*_

Edward: I swear! I never dated them!

_*Jacob, Seth, and Maelee come down the stairs snickering*_

Bella: What are YOU laughing at?

Maelee: Hee hee hee, nooooothin'…

Bella: Well then GO AWAY. I'm- _*sob* _having an- _*sob sob* _EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN. _*Sobs uncontrollably*_

Edward: Lawl.

Bella: GO SCREW A LLAMA BITCH!

Edward: _*Has heart attack*_

Bella: You can't have a heart attack, dumbass.

Edward: It was a METAPHORICAL heart attack. I was trying to tell you through dramatic action that your words HURTED. I need some emotional time with the llamas. _*Turns away and goes to the garage dramatically*_

Bella: _*one fingered salute* _C'mon guys, let's go to WALMART and leave EDDIE here.

Edward: Mer. _*walks out*_

Bella: _*flicks hair back and struts out the front door.*_

Everyone else: _*flicks hair back and struts out the door*_

Edward: FINE. I don't need you. I DON'T NEED ANYBODY BUT THE LLAMAS! _*Flicks hair back* _HELLO LLAMAS!

Llamas: _*Give llama-ey greetings*_

Edward: There's a whole bunch of drama in my life right now. I just have to get it out.

_*Nugget and Fwank nod understandingly, then glare at each other*_

Edward: Is there llama drama?

_*Nugget shakes his head while Fwank nods vigorously*_

Edward: Okay guys, spill. _*Sits on the ground a whips out a unicorn notebook with a matching pink pen*_

Nugget: *_Llama noises*_

Edward: Are you SURE there's nothing wrong? Fwank, why don't you share?

Fwank: _*Lots of llama noises*_

Edward: Uh huh, uh huh… _*scribbles in notebook* _So, Nugget, Fwank tells me that you've been ignoring him and hanging out with Percy a lot lately. Fwank feels insecure and neglected…

Nugget: _*Llama noises of explanation*_

Fwank: _*Llama gasp and argument*_

_*They continue arguing while Edward jots down some notes about the fight*_

Nugget: _*Llama insult*_

Fwank: _*Llama gasp, then jumps on top of Nugget*_

_*Llama bystanders do llama chants of "Fight, fight, fight!"*_

Edward: NOOOOO _*cries* _PLEASE DON'T

_*Llamas turn and look at him, then look back*_

Cheezecake: _*bites Fwank and Nuggets tails, and glares*_

_*Fwank and Nugget hang their heads in shame and make a Sowwi noise*_

Edward: _*sings* _NOTHING'S GOING RIGHT, AND EVERYTHINGS A MESS, AND NO ONE LIKES TO BE ALONE…ISN'T ANYONE TRYING TO FIND ME? WON'T SOMEBODY COME TAKE ME HOMEEE, IT'S A DAMN COLD VAMPIRE, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THIS LIFE, WON'T YOU, TAKE ME BY THE HAND, TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NEW, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE…_*randomly drops through the floor*_

Llamas: _*Crowds around Edward and sings "But I'm, I'm with yooooou*_

Edward: _*Sniff sniff*_ Thanks, guys. You made me feel better.

Llamas: _*Your welcome llama noises*_

Edward: I LUB YOU GUYS. _*Group hug*_

_*Meanwhile at Wal-Mart* _

Bella: It's a smash dude, it's a smash.

Emmett: You might wanna grab a chair and a juice box.

Bella: Yeah, this gonna be like blues clues.

_*They were sitting on top of the shelf on some armchairs, watching people*_

Mysterious Voice: YOU!

Emmett: Holy shit, it's that one kid from last time at Wal-Mart!

Alice: STALKER!

Kid: _*Holds up Nerf gun of DOOOOOM*_

Jasper: NOOOO! We're too young to die!

Emmett: RUUUUUN!

_*They run, but they get cornered next to an aisle of diapers*_

Jasper: No… nooo… flashbacks… noooo… _*starts hyperventilating*_

Emmett: Our last hope… _*pulls out a flashlight and turns it on. The Batman symbol appears on the wall*_

Rosalie: Our doom awaits…

Mysterious voice 2: Not so fast!

_*Some random guy in a Batman T-shirt pops out of nowhere*_

Kid: It's HIM!

Batman: Hello… BROTHER.

_*Collective gasp, and Jasper continues hyperventilating and curls up*_

Batman: Yeah. Dramatic, huh?

Kid: Stay out of this!

Batman: But I got the call! I CAN'T ignore the call!

Kid: Damn you Batman. Why do you have to butt into everything? Can't go screw someone or something, pitch them off a building?

Batman: _*extends fist and kid goes flying over the aisles.*_

Bella: Wow! Thanks Batman!

Batman: _*puts on sunglasses*_ Just doing my job. _*flies away*_

Felyx: Riiiight…_*nods slowly*_

Alice: Hey, where's Emmett and Bella?

Felyx: *looks around* I don't know…

Alice: _*Points* _Up there. Again. _*shakes head* _Honestly…Hey, let's go eat glitter!

Felyx: Okay! _*skips off with Alice*_

_Meanwhile in the Chair Lair…_

Bella: Mmm… glitter…

Emmett: OM NOM NOM.

Bella: So…

Emmett: I know a unicorn. No lie.

Bella: Greeeeat…

Emmett: GUESS WHAT?!

Bella: Wha?

Emmett: Yoshi is ZE BOMB.

Bella: Who's Yoshi?

Emmett: O.M.G. It's the little dinosaur pony thing on Super Mario!

Bella: I don't play Super Mario.

Emmett: _*Slaps Bella* _HOW DARE YE! _*Sets up a tent and crawls in* _I set up my small tent and I camped on the floor, dinosaurs go RAWR, everybody knows that.

Bella: Okayyy…

Emmett: DON'T JUDGE ME.

Bella: Can I come into the tent?

Emmett: I don't think my beastliness will let you in…

Bella: But I want iiiiiiin. Shove over.

Emmett: Well, since we can't solve this, I'm going home. _*Packs up tent*_

Bella: Well, F you then.

Emmett: _*whirls around* _OH NO YOU DID-ENT!!!!!

Bella: _*snaps finger*_ OH YEAH I DID!

Emmett: Oh no you DID-ENT girlfreend.

Bella: OH YEAH I DID _*Snaps in Z formation*_

Emmett: IT'S ON!

Bella: BRING IT!

_*They claw, kick, bite, pinch, and even… PULL HAIR*_

Emmett: Back off bitch!

Bella: RAWWWWWR!

_*In the midst of their epic cat fight, they knock the shelf over and continue with the epic battle*_

Rosalie: Shit, what do we do?

Alice: _*Wipes glitter off of mouth* _BATMAN!

_*Batman guy flies in all dramatically and whips sunglasses off*_

Batman: Hey. DANGER!

Emmett: TAKE IT BACK!

Bella: NO!

Emmett: GAWWWR!

Batman: HEY! _*Pulls Bella and Emmett apart* _BEHAVE! _*Gets scratched* _OWWWW!

Maelee: Here's a rainbow band-aid!

Batman: Thanks! _*Sticks band-aid on* _You just carry those around with you?

Maelee: No. They hit me in the head, and it hurt, so now there's one on my forehead _*Points to band-aid proudly*_

Batman: Anyway, REVENGE! _*Gets into the ultimately epic cat fight*_

Rosalie: Shit, NOW what do we do?

Felyx: Uh… WHEN IN DANGER WHEN IN DOUBT RUN IN CIRCLES SCREAM AND SHOUT! _*Runs in circles and screams, and is joined by the others*_

Batman: _*screams* _OI! MARIO! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!

_*Mario runs over*_

Mario: DO NOT FEAR! I AM HERE! What seems to be the trouble?

Batman: UH… we're out of Skittles. WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? I'm in the middle of a bitch fight!

Mario: I'LL BE BACK!

Batman: Wait, what? NO! GET YOUR ASS BACK OVER HERE! Aw, fuck you.

Mario: Imma back! With Skittles!

Batman: I WAS KIDDING!

Mario: _*Chucks Skittles* _TASTE THE RAINBOW, BITCHES!

Bella: SKITTLES!

Emmett: OMG!

_*Everyone chases Skittles and noms them*_

Mario: My work here is done. _*Rides a Yoshi off into the sunset*_

Emmett: Yeeeahhh…let's go brush our teeth!

Everyone: _*cheers*_ YAYYYY _*runs back home*_

* * *

**This is 17 pages because we lurve you. But you shall have Skittles thrown at you and you will be eaten by a Yoshi if you don't review. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**


	10. Fire

**Here ya go! Yet another chaptwa.**

Jasper: Holy Motherfucking Pancakes.

Bella: What the cr_-*is cut off by Edwards hand over her mouth*_

Edward: No! Bad Bella! No swearing! You're grounded. Go to your room! _*drags Bella upstairs*_

Alice: Riiight….HOLY CRAP!

Felyx: What…the...fuck?

Emmett: I'M ON FUCKING FIRE! _*runs round in circles*_

Felyx: Dude…Really?

Emmett: Chyeah. _*looks in mirror* _Wait, shit…I'M ON FIRE _*screams*_

Alice: When you're on fire, avoid looking into the mirror cause that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

Maelee: Wait, how the hell did you catch on fire in the first place?

Felyx: Do you think that REALLY matters now?

Maelee: I'm curious!

Bella: _*Coming back down the stairs* _I will NOT stay in my room all- HOLY CRAP!

_*Emmett runs past Bella and catches her on fire*_

Bella: YOU IDIOT, I'M ON FIRE! _*Stops, drops and rolls*_

Emmett: That looks effective! _*Flops around on the floor* _WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?

Jasper: Because you're seizing, not rolling.

Emmett: THERE'S A DIFFERENCE?

Jasper: YES. There is. But this is amusing.

_*Everyone watches Emmett roll/seize on the ground for a minute*_

Rosalie: Okay, this is getting annoying, let's put him out.

Alice: Preferably before he, ya know, dies and shit.

Bella: Awww, wuwd someone miss hiiiim?

Rosalie: No, you idiot, him being gone would make the world a better place. Esme would just beat the shit out of us for getting ashes everywhere.

Bella: Oh…Well…_*cough*_

Rosalie: Leave. Now.

Bella: _*Sniff sniff* _FINE. _*Leaves*_

Jasper: I'll go get the fire extinguisher… _*Comes back with fire extinguisher and sprays it on Emmett*_

Emmett: Yaaaay!

Alice: How the hell did you catch on fire in the first place?

Emmett: Played with matches. Hee hee…

Edward: NO! BAD. _*Smacks Emmett on the nose*_

Emmett: _*flings monkey poo* _TAKE THAT EDDIE.

Edward: _*turns purple* _I'M NOT CALLED EDDIE! IT'S EDWARD.

Emmett: Sureeeeeee, we all know your real name.

Edward: _*scared* _Y-y-yeah?

Emmett: EDWINA!

Edward: GASP! How did you find out?

Emmett: The ninjas told me. _*Gives Felyx and Maelee a secret look, and they bust a rock in victory of their ninjalicness*_

Alice: Ha ha ha ha ha, Edwina has the "weena" sound in it.

Everyone Else: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Emmett: Ha ha ha, point and laugh at Edwina, ha ha ha! _*They all point and laugh at Edwina*_

Edward: I'm gonna… sit in a corner now… _*sits in a corner and rocks back and forth*_

Jasper: Yeah, well, I've run out of ideas, so I'm gonna stand on my head _*stands on head*_

Emmett: :O

Jasper: I know, right?

Emmett: _*eye twitch*_

Jasper: Yeahhh…. LET'S GO AND DO SOMETHING!

Alice: Like what?

Jasper: Erm…

Emmett: Let's go to Chuck E. Cheese!

Rosalie: YES. To the Volvo!

Alice: _*Snaps twice* _Come, Edwina!

Edward: Yes Mastwa…

_*They all attempt to fit into the Volvo*_

Emmett: I don't think we'll all fit…

Rosalie: AMAZING powers of observation you have

Emmett: Why thank you

Rosalie: You are literally too stupid to

Emmett: Thank

Rosalie: _*Smacks head*_

Jasper: So what are we gonna do?

Maelee: I WANNA GO TO CHUCK E. CHEESE!

Jasper: I… don't think we can fit in the car…

Maelee: NOOOOO! Despair!

_*Llamas, hearing despair, run forward in Superman suits*_

Llamas: Duh duh duh DUH da DUUUUH!

Felyx: Gasp! All hope is restored!

Bella: _*Walks in* _To animals wearing their underwear outside their pants?

_*Llamas glare at Bella for her dissing their epic fashion, and she runs away*_

Edward: TO THE LLAMAS!

*_They all hop on a llama, and they head to Chuck E. Cheese*_

Emmett: Uhh…

_*They arrive and run in. Emmett, of course, runs over to Chuck E Cheese himself*_

Emmett: _*huggles* _OMG OMG OMG! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN! _*squeals*_

_*Chuck E Cheese magically gets set on fire*_

Emmett: Oh shit…I'm ON FUCKING FIRE AGAIN!

CEC: FORGET THAT! I'M ON FUCKING FIRE YOU FUCKING DICK! WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO?

_*Kids gasp and start crying*_

Alice: I just take a grape

Felyx: And I jizz in my pants

Rosalie: TAKE YOUR JIZZ SOMEWHERE ELSE!

Felyx: Well fine. _*flicks hair and storms out*_

Alice: Yeah. _*follows*_

_Outside…_

Felyx: So… what are we gonna do now?

Alice: I thought you had a plan!

Felyx: Naw, I just wanted to dramatically storm out.

Alice: I know! We can go to the mall!

Felyx: Yes yes. Let's get Nugget and Fwank.

_*They get the llamas and go to the mall*_

Security Guard: There are no llamas allowed in the mall. You'll have to leave or tie them up somewhere.

Alyx (Felyx + Alice :D): NEVAH! *_Llamas run him over*_

Alice: I feel accomplished.

Some Girl: Why are you here on llamas?

Felyx: I was told to take my jizz elsewhere. And why WOULDN'T we have llamas?

Girl: True. And I've also been told to take my jizz elsewhere. I'm Tina. I believe I know your gay brother Edward. I gave him extensions.

Alice: Oh yeah. We've had our suspicions about Edwina…

Tina: That's his real name? Ha ha ha, it has the "weena" sound…

Alice: I know!

Felyx: You are our new partner in crime.

Tina: Wooo!

Alice: You need a llama… _*Does llama whistle and Cheezecake comes flying over*_

Cheezecake: *_Salutes*_

Alice: You shall be giving our new partner in crime, Tina, a ride.

Cheezecake: _*Nods as Tina climbs on her back*_

Felyx: LLAMA RACES!

_*They race their llamas through the mall for an hour*_

Tina: To the fountain! _*They sit at the fountain*_

_Llama conversation:_

Fwank: _*Sniffs*_

Cheezecake: What?

Fwank: Oh nothing… sigh…

Nugget: Either say what the hell is wrong or shut the hell up.

Fwank: THAT is what's wrong. You're always such a jerk!

Nugget: Wha?

Fwank: You know what! _*sniffles* _You're always so mean! And you're not supportive!

Nugget: You're such a girl…

Fwank: See! And you never supported my career to be the first to Pluto…

Nugget: Why would you wanna go there? It's not even a planet.

Cheezecake: Yes. It. Is. Scientists are just jealous because THEY aren't planets…

Fwank: ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?

Nugget: Well THAT was random…

Cheezecake: Just tell him the truth, Nugget.

Fwank: What? What are you talking about? _*Starts having a spaz attack*_

Cheezecake: He's… STRAIGHT.

Fwank: WHAT?

Nugget: It's true.

Fwank: So you've been stringing me along this whole time? And for what? NOTHING! _*Sobs girlishly* _

Nugget: I was confuzzled! But it all makes sense now… I'm in love with Brookey.

Cheezecake: Gasp!

Fwank: NOOOOO!

Nugget: I'm sorry. It just sorta happened. Things shouldn't have to end this way between us, but…

Fwank: NO EXCUSES! NO APOLOGIES! It's OVER! What do you even see in that skank?

Nugget: Everything you aren't!

Fwank: GRAAAWREEEEEARRRRRRR! _*Lunges at Nugget*_

Cheezecake: No! Don't! PICK FLOWERS, NOT FIGHTS! Oh fuck it. _*Joins the fight*_

Alice: What the hell?

Felyx: Yeeeaaahhh…

Alice: Okayyy…now what?

Felyx: _*holds up pickles* _OI! FWANK! GET THE DAMN PICKLES!

_[Llamas]_

Fwank: OMG PICKLES! _*jumps for them*_

Nugget: You have such a one track mind. Brookey is my love now.

Fwank: _*snorts and eats pickles*_

Alice: Let's go find the others…They're _*thinks* _having A HOTBOX PARTY? WITHOUT US? C'MON GUYS, LET'S GO JOIN DAT PAR-TAYYYYY!

_*They all get on their llamas and zoom off to the house.*_

Talyx (Tina, Alice, Felyx :D): WOOOOO! _*runs upstairs to bathroom*_

[Llama Convo]

Nugget: BROOKEY! I MISSED YO_-*stops*_

_*Brookey is kissing Percy*_

Nugget: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Fwank: Now you know how it feels. BUUURN. _*Munches pickle*_

Nugget: This is so… depressing… I must go…

_*Nugget goes to the garage*_

Nugget: I shall write a poem to get rid of my feelings…

Found out my love's cheating,

that does suck,

what will I do,

without my whorey llama SLUT…

I feel so depressed,

My love is kissing someone else

It really isn't fair,

Now my heart has a tear,

I have nothing left

Except my friend,

Who is in love with me,

But I fucked it up

Cause I'm such a dick.

Nugget: Yeah. That's a bitchin' poem.

_*Cheezecake comes down*_

Cheezecake: Heeeyyyy Dude, I brings WEED!

Nugget: Muh.

Cheezecake: Exsqueeze me? WEED! WEEEEEED…

Nugget: Meh. Depressing emotions… crushing me…

Cheezecake: That's why I have the weed, silly gooseling!

Nugget: Muh meh. I'm just not in the mood…

Cheezecake: WEEEEED…

Nugget: Fuck off.

Cheezecake: I know what will make you feel better! _*Slowly extends leg to Nugget's tummy…* _POOOOKE!

Nugget: Ha ha ha…

Cheezecake: Yaaaay!

Nugget: _*insane laugh* _AND THEN YOU LIKE, POKED ME LIKE POOOOKE!

Cheezecake: Ooookay then…

Nugget: I WANNA BE FAMOUS, WANNA BE A STAR, WANNA HAVE BOOBIES! WANNA SEE THE WORLD, DRIVE NICE CARS, HAVE MORE BOOBIES!

Cheezecake: Dude, we didn't even start smoking the fucking weed yet.

Nugget: I'm getting in the mood. Now let's do this thang.

_*They start smoking ze weed*_

Nugget: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Cheezecake: Yeeeeeeah…

Nugget: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Cheezecake: HEY! YOU DA LLAMA! YOU CAN DO IT! WHO DA LLAMA?

Nugget: I'M DA LLAMA!

Cheezecake: WHO'S DA LLAMA?

Nugget: I'M DA LLAMA!

Cheezecake: WHO'S DA LLAMA?

Nugget: I'M DA LLAMA!

Cheezecake: WHO'S DA LLAMA?

Nugget: I'M DAAAAA LLLAMAAAAAAA!

Cheezecake: GO GET FWANK! PROCLAIM UNDYING LOVE! YOU DA LLAMA!

Nugget: I CAN DO THIS! I'M DA LLAMA! _*Runs up to Fwank*_

Nugget: I am here to proclaim my undying lurve for you!

Fwank: _*Sob* _YAAAAAAAY! All hope in the world is restored! EAT THAT, BROOKEY! _*Makes out with Nugget*_

Cheezecake: I've taught him well… _*Sniff sniff* _I'M SO PROUD.

Cola: YEEEEEAH, GET SOOOOOME!

Meanwhile…

Emmett: Dude. This isn't funny anymore. I'm still on fire.

Rosalie: Well Done.

Emmett: THANKS! :D

Rosalie: _*face palm*_

Emmett: Don't judge me! I'M SMART!

Rosalie: Prove it.

Emmett: Have you ever realized that tuna smells like dead fish?

Rosalie: Emmett, tuna IS a fish.

Emmett: No it's not! Tuna is a tuna!

Rosalie: _*Slaps head* _Let's just… forget this conversation…

Emmett: Okay… What is the bestiest animal in the world?

Rosalie: An eagle, because it dominates, like MOI.

Emmett: WRONG! A WEASEL!

Rosalie: Ew.

Emmett: GASPNESS! No way, weasels are better.

Rosalie: Further proves that you are an idiot.

Emmett: I SHALL PROVE YOU WRONG! Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Rosalie: _*Silence*_

Emmett: OWNED.

Rosalie: Okay, so I may have-

Emmett: WAIT! MY GOLDFISH IS DROWNING! I SHALL BE BACK IN A MINUTE!_*Runs out of the room*_

Rosalie: What the fuck?

_*Emmett runs back in and sits down*_

Rosalie: Did you realize that fish can't drown?

Emmett: No. I realized that I don't have a goldfish.

Rosalie: Emmett…How can I say this nicely? You're an idiot.

Emmett: At least I'm a clever idiot.

Rosalie: IDIOTS AREN'T CLEVER!

Emmett: Too bad they are cause I'm clever _*grins*_

Rosalie: _*sighs and shakes head* _No. Just no.

Emmett: Wanna see my brain? _*runs out and comes back with electric saw*_

Rosalie: Here we go…

Emmett: Hehe _*saw breaks* _Oh noez! It borked!

Rosalie: Really. _*sarcasm*_

Emmett: BRB. _*runs out screaming JASPER!*_

_*Downstairs*_

Emmett: Hey, Jazzy, can you like, bite my head open so I can show Rosalie my brain?

Jasper: Uh… why?

Emmett: Because I have to show Rosalie that I'm clever!

Jasper: And this is the way you show it?

Emmett: Jasper, NOTHING can go wrong with this plan. It's foolproof!

Jasper: If you insist! _*They go upstairs*_

Rosalie: Now what?

Emmett: Jasper's gonna bite my head open.

Rosalie: Wha… why… you… _*Incoherent sputters*_

Emmett: Baffled by my brilliance.

Jasper: Of course. Now let's do this thang!

_*Jasper precedes to bite Emmett's head open as Esme walks in*_

Rosalie: Esme, do something!

Esme: What are they doing?

Rosalie: Jasper's biting Emmett's head open!

Esme: IF YOU GET BRAIN ON MY FLOOR, YOU DIEEEEEEE. _*Walks out*_

Jasper: All done!

Emmett: See? Look at all that gushy smartness! _*Pokes brain and giggles madly*_

Rosalie: EEEEW! Gross!

Emmett: Wanna poke it?

Rosalie: NO!

Jasper: I DO I DO I DO! _*Pokes it and giggles*_

Rosalie: Yeeeahh…I'mma gonna gooo now…._*backs out the door*_

_*Emmett and Jasper are too busy poking Emmett's brain to notice*_

Emmett: SQIUSHY! Hey, where's Rosalie?

Jasper: Who cares?

_*They go back to poking Emmett's brain*_

**WHALLA! Ovah 2,000 words because we luuurve you. Reviews are the lovely. **


	11. Kneecaps 'N Violence

**A/N: Supp? Here's more awesomeness.**

* * *

Emmett: I LEARNED A NEW TRICK!

Bella: What?

Emmett: _*Kicks Bella's kneecap*_

Bella: OWWW! _*Cries* _Why did you do that?

Emmett: It's my trick!

Bella: MEAN! _*Runs away crying*_

Emmett: JASPER! I learned a new trick!

Jasper: _*Struts over* _What?

Emmett: _*Kicks Jasper in the back of the knees, making him fall*_

Jasper: THAT'S AWESOME! Like… some epic unknown ninja skill…

Emmett: I know! Some people just don't understand…

Jasper: Then they aren't ninjas.

Emmett: WE MUST FIND THE NINJAS! To the mall!

_*They go to the mall*_

Jasper: Okay…Hey, Emmett, what do you think would inflict more pain out of someone, punching or kicking?

Emmett: Uhmmm…

Jasper: Y'know like the kinda 'OW, THAT F'ING HURT BIATCH' kinda pain.

Emmett: Uhmm…well, kicking is punching someone with your foot and punching is kicking someone with your fist.

Jasper: _*looks at Emmett*_

Emmett: THE PRESSURE! _*falls to knees* _I CAN'T TAKE IT! DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! _*cries*_

_*Everyone stops to see what's happening*_

Jasper: RAAAAAAAAWR!

_*Everyone runs away* _

Jasper: Get up, you fool, you're making a scene.

Emmett: I'M SORRY! But I choose kicking. Just because it's the preferred ninja strike.

Jasper: Yes yes. _*pulls Emmett into the bathroom* _Let's connect, you and I.

_*They connect*_

Meanwhile in the bat cave!

Bella: And then _*sniff sniff* _Emmett ki-kicked meeeeee…

Edward: WHAT? I must PUNISH HIM! Where did he go?

Bella: The mall…

Edward: Of course! Robin! TO THE BAT MOBILE! _*Strikes a Batman pose*_

Bella: Okay.

Edward: _*Epic pose falters* _Well it's no FUN when you don't play along!

Bella: Sorry, um, yaaaay!

Edward: _*Sigh* _Just forget it. Let's go.

_*They go to the mall*_

Edward: Oh my goodness! _*Rolls around on the floor*_

Bella: Get up Edward. You're making a fool of yourself.

Edward: DON'T SAY THAT BELLA IT'S NOT COOL WHEN YOU DO IT-

Bella: WELL FINEEEEE!

Edward: BELLA! DON'T BACKSASS ME! YOU'RE GROUNDED.

Bella: _*Runs away* _MEANIE! _*runs into Clown*_

Clown: Well HIIIII!

Bella: EEP! SCAFY! _*Runs the other way*_

Clown 2: Hey there! _*smiles creepily and pulls out pie*_

Bella: OHMYGOSHIT'STHECLOWNSANDTHEY'REGONNAEATMYBRAAAAINSSSS _*cries*_

Clown 3: Hi!

Bella: _*curls into fetal position and screams about clowns* _NOOOOOO! NOT THE CLOWNS!

_*Meanwhile, in the bogs*_

Jasper: I HEAR BELLA SCREAMING!

Emmett: Who cares?

Jasper: I do! She's part of our cult and she doesn't have her toothpaste! WE MUST SAVE HER!

Emmett: LET'S GO JAZZY PANTS!

_*They fly out of the bogs*_

Jasper: DO NOT FEAR BELLA, WE ARE COMING TO SAVE YOU!!

Emmett: WAIT! We're just gonna charge in there with no weapons? What if she's being attacked by gangstas or something?

Jasper: Of course! Get squirt guns and toothpaste!

_*They get the weapons and ammo, then find Bella*_

Bella: HEEEEEELP! _*Clowns close in*_

Emmett: THIS IS SPARTA! _*Squirts toothpaste at clowns*_

Clown 1: MY EYES!

Clown 2: I don't know whether to be pissed or be happy about the minty freshness…

Clown 3: AHHH! _*Slips and falls, then rolls around on the floor in panic*_

Bella: _*Runs away with Emmett and Jasper* _

Jasper: TOOTHPASTE FAIRIES SAVE THE DAY!

Bella: Oookayyy then…

Emmett: Wanna come to the toy shop?

Bella: OMG YES!

_*They all skip to the toy shop*_

Emmett: LET'S PLAY WITH THAT BALL!

Jasper: YAAAAAY!

Bella: Just don't hit me in the face.

_*They play with the ball and hit Bella in the face with it*_

Bella: OWWWWWWIEEEEEEEE! It's bleeeeeeding.

Jasper: OM NOM NOM.

Emmett: No! _*Smacks Jasper's nose* _Bad Jazzy.

Jasper: _*Whimpers and sits in the corner*_

Emmett: Here's a pwetty band-aid! IT'S RAINBOW!

Bella: Yaaaay! _*Sticks band-aid on* _All better!

Emmett: OMG BARBIE DOLLS!

Jasper: OMG REMOTE CONTROL UFO!

Bella: _*Looks at watch* _Guys, I don't know how to tell you this _*Sob*_

Jasper and Emmett: WHAT?! WHAT IS IT?

Bella: I gotta go grocery shopping.

Emmett: I wanna go!

Jasper: CAN WE RIDE IN THE CART?

Bella: Uh… sure…

Emmett and Jasper: YEEEEEAH!

_*They go to the grocery store*_

Emmett: _*jumps in cart* _OMGLETSGO!

Bella: _*tries to push it, but fails*_ Emmetttt, you're too heavy…

Emmett: YOU CALLING ME FAT?

Bella: Why YES. YES I AM.

Jasper: GASP! No one calls Emmy Bear fat! He's a pure hunk of hotness! ATTACK!

Emmett: FOR NARNIA!

_*Jasper runs at Bella with cart*_

Bella: NOOOOOO! _*Runs away*_

Emmett: IMMA EAT YOU!

Bella: AAAAHNOOOOIMSCAAAREDHELPMEEEE!

Jasper: RAAAAAAAAAAWR!

Bella: _*pees pants*_

Jasper: Oh great…bodily fluids…yuck.

Bella: DISCRIMINATION!

Jasper: What? No! That's not discrimination, stupid!

Bella: YES IT ISSS. _*Runs away again*_

Emmett: So… yeaaaah… WILL YOU PUSH ME AROUND IN THE CART?

Jasper: _*Sigh* _Why not?

Emmett: YAAAAAAY! _*Claps and squeals as Jasper pushes him around the store*_

Jasper: _*hums to self* _Lalalalaaaa_…*hits bump on the floor*_

Emmett: _*gets catapulted out of the cart, flies through the air (not not water…) and hits the wall*_

Jasper: _*looks at Emmett*_ Hehehehehe_…*has laughing fit*_

Emmett: Ha flamin' ha Jazzy.

Jasper: _*sits up* _Say whut? _*looks at Emmett and cracks up*_

Emmett: _*scowls* _GRRRR.

Bella: AHHHH! PANIC MODE! _*Hides under a towel*_

Emmett: _*mournful voice* _I'm stuck _*wriggles legs*_ See?

Jasper: _*whispers* _Shh! Bellah, we're gonna sneak out! _*starts sliding backwards*_

Felix: _*walks in with Maelee*_ YO! SUP BITCHES?

Emmett: I'm stuck :(

Felix: Lol. Fail.

Maelee: Dude…

_*Jasper sneaks out, dragging Bella across the floor with a toy unicorn stuffed in her mouth*_

Maelee: Let's make like a banana, and split!

Felix: Chyeahh. _*picks up unicorn toys and rubber ducks, then tootles out*_

Maelee: _*follows with pie*_

Emmett: *wriggles legs* Hellooo? Is anyone there? My butt is itchy…Help me out! Pottymato =[

_Au revior!_

* * *

**A/N: Lawl. Hey double hey, how do you like that? Yeah, anyway, review and we'll crank out chapter 13 pretty fast. Chapter 12 is in progress at the mo, so it should be up within the next week :D Cyaaaz! **


	12. Crack Quacks

… **So yeah, it's been about eight years since we posted anything. But here.**

Emmett: OMG, JASPER! I DISCOVERED SOMETHING! AGAIN!

Jasper: WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

Emmett: Crack Quacks _*huge grin*_

Jasper: YE-What are Crack Quacks?

Emmett: Smoke da crack then quack quack quack!

Jasper: HA HA HA HA!

Emmett: LET'S SMOKE DA CRACK THEN CRACK QUACK!

_*Runs up to the bathroom and breaks into _

_Crack stash*_

Jasper (Who is now insanely baked): Emmett… ha ha ha… this is… missing something…

Emmett: I know. I feel it too… deep in the bowels of my soul…

Jasper: HA HA HA, bowels… BUT we must go and get… RUBBER DUCKIES.

Emmett: YES. Only then will I feel complete.

Jasper: TO WAL*MART!

_*They go to Wal*Mart*_

Jasper: Ooooh….

_*Suddenly Hoedown Throwdown by Hannah Montana comes on*_

Emmett: I LOVE THIS SONG! LET'S DANCE!

Random Kid: HO!

Emmett: OH NO YOU DID-ENT _*snaps fingers in Z formation*_

Random Kid: Dude, you are so gay.

Emmett: I WILL RAPE YOU.

Random Kid: _*Squeals like a girl and runs off*_

Jasper: Now that HE'S gone… _*Starts doing the Hoedown Throwdown with Emmett in the middle of the store* _

Emmett: You don't find this entertainment at Target!

Jasper: I know. Losers… _*song ends* _Why did we come here again?

Emmett: To do the Hoedown Throwdown?

Jasper: No, no, something else… OH YEAH! RUBBER DUCKIES!

Emmett: Let's go find the rubber ducky isle!

_*They run around and ninja roll through the store on an epic search for the rubber ducky isle*_

Emmett: I DON'T SEE IT! ALL HOPE IS LOST! _*Collapses*_

Jasper: Let's ask someone where it is!

Emmett: YAY! _*Rolls after Jasper instead of just walking*_

Jasper: Excuse me s- uh, er ma- uh… _*Is puzzled by whether the Wal*Mart worker is a guy or a girl*_

Worker: Yeah?

Emmett: WHERE ARE THE RUBBER DUCKIES?

Worker: Uh, with the bath toys… why do you want rubber duckies?

Jasper: That is for us to know… _*looks at worker's nametag to try and solve the gender mystery* _Taylor. _*Mutters* _Shit. That didn't help at all.

Emmett: Let's go! _*Starts rolling away with Jasper following*_

Jasper: Was that a guy or a girl?

Emmett: Hell, I don't know. Maybe it's neither.

Jasper: _*Stares*_

Emmett: What? It could be an alien or something!

Jasper: That's likely _*rolls eyes*_ RUBBER DUCKIES!

Emmett: YAAAAAY! _*Gets off of the floor* _There's so many! IN DIFFERENT COLORS!

Jasper: I'll go get a cart! _*Prances off*_

Emmett: _*Stares at duckies in wonder*_

Jasper: _*returns with cart* _Back!

Emmett: _*looks at Jasper and jumps back a few feet* _HOLY CRAP…JASPER…YOU'RE….

Jasper: Awesome? _*nods*_

Emmett: NO! YOU'RE A UNICORN!

Jasper: I know, right? Wait, what? _*looks down* _WOAHHH!

Emmett: I'M GONNA GO GET A BRA, BE BACK SOON!

Jasper: _*is too busy admiring himself*_

Emmett: _*returns with a bra*_

Jasper: Hey Emmett…_*looks up* _HOLY SHIZZLE!

Emmett: I know, I'm hot, right?

Jasper: NO! YOU'RE A UNICORN!

Emmett: HOLY SHIT! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

Jasper: Don't question it. Just… embrace it. _*Frolicks*_

Emmett: Alright then… _*Frolics with him*_

Jasper: I feel so FREE!

Emmett: Look over there! 'Tis Taylor, the alien she-man Wal*Mart worker! Let us skip around her in a circle.

Jasper: Lets. _*Skips around Taylor in a circle*_

Taylor: Erm…

Emmett: I FEEL PRETTY!

Jasper: AS DO I!

Emmett: We have to go get the rubber duckies!

Jasper: Why yes. Let's GOOOOOOO!

Emmett: This would be much funner if I were wearing the bra _*puts on bra* _You need one too!

Jasper: YES I DO! Put all of the duckies in the cart while I get one! _*Skips away*_

Emmett: RAWR! _*Dumps duckies into cart*_

Jasper: _*Wearing bra* _I'M BACK!

Emmett: Ooh, leopard print. Fierce.

Jasper: I know _*strikes model pose* _LET'S GO!

Emmett: Go where?

Jasper: I dunno, I was hoping you'd know…

Emmett: But you said…

Jasper: Did I?

Emmett: Yes. Yes, you did.

Jasper: Oh. Well, I'm sure I'd remember something like that.

Emmett: I know, right? But you did say it…

Jasper: I dunno, I don't think I did…

Emmett: Of course you did! How else would we end up talking?

Jasper: We just talk…you know?

Emmett: What?

Jasper: Forget it…Now what?

Emmett: Dunno…

Jasper: Well…Let's throw things at people!

Emmett: Yeah! First, the thongs!

_*They run to the thongs and hide in them*_

Jasper: Mehehehe!

Emmett: _*picks up blue thong and pings it*_

Felyx: _*gets hit in the head by the thong and turns around* _Emmett…I know it's you…

Emmett: How?

Felyx: Because who else wou… because I'm a ninja.

Emmett: WHOA! I'm a unicorn!

Maelee: WHERE ARE THE UNICORNS?

Jasper: Right here! _*Pings purple thong*_

Maelee: _*Stares at thong stuck on her face* _WELL then…

Emmett: FELYX IS A NINJA.

Maelee: AWESOME! Oh, and hey Fe- where did she go?

Jasper: She IS a ninja… EPIC…_*awed silence*_

Maelee: Well _*peels thong off of face* _Imma go. Farewell. _*Salutes and skips off*_

Emmett: Let's go pay for these duckies now so we can get the full effect of crack quacks.

Jasper: Yes yes. _*Jumps into cart* _3...2...1... BLASTOFF!

Emmett: _*Makes rocket noises to the check out* _

Jasper: The door! The door! _*stares in awe at automatic doors*_

Emmett: Dudeee…Woah! They opened!

Jasper: You know what this means, don't you?

Emmett: WHAT?

Jasper: We have epic mind powers.

Emmett: NO WAY _*faints*_

Jasper: No! Emmett! I'm rolling away! HELP MEEE!

_*crashes into car*_

Emmett: Wha? Jasper! WHERE DID YOU GOOO?

Jasper: HA HA HA HA _*rolls around in rubber duckies*_

Emmett: _*Cannonballs into ducky pile* _HA HA HA HA!

Jasper: QUACK.

Emmett: QUACK.

Jasper: QUACK.

Emmett: QUACK.

Jasper: CRACK QUACK.

Emmett: QUACK QUACK CRACK QUACK.

Jasper: QUACKITY CRACKITY CRACK QUACK.

_*Magical teleportion ducks take them to the house*_

Emmett: Woahhhhh….

Jasper: AHAHA, AHAHA, AHAAA…DUUUDEE!

Edward: _*walks in* _Oh no, not again…It's Thursday_…*runs out to find Bella*_

Emmett: Lolwhut?

Edward: _*runs back in holding Bella in front of him as a shield* _I HAVE A SHIELD!

Jasper: Edward, that's your girlfriend…

Bella: Do I get a say in this?

Edward: NO! NEVAHHHHHH!

Jasper: Fine, Edward. You leave us no choice… _*turns into unicorn*_

Edward: OMG!

Emmett: RELEASE OUR TOOTHPASTE COMRAD OR ELSE! _*Turns into unicorn*_

Edward: EEPS! _*Drops Bella and faints*_

Bella: Owie.

Jasper and Emmett: JOIN UUUUUS _*Runs around Bella, turning her into a unicorn*_

Edward: _*Wakes up* _Wha… EEPS! You turned my girlfriend into a unicorn? NOOOOOO! _*Runs away screaming*_

Emmett: HIDE AND SEEK!

Bella: YAAAAAAAY! _*Chases Edward with Jasper and Emmett*_

Edward: NOOOOOO! _*Curls up under couch and cries*_

Jasper: You're no fun! TO THE BATHROOM!

_*Unicorns run up to the bathroom and smoke weed*_

Jacob: _*Walks in door with Maelee, Felyx, and Alice* _So then I was all RAWR and he was all RAWR and then I was all GRRR…

Maelee: RUBBER DUCKIES! _*Jumps into ducky pile and giggles*_

Edward: _*Sobs*_

Felyx: What was that? _*Looks under couch* _What the FUCK are you doing under there?

Maelee: _*Looks under couch* _Wooooow… you bring shame to our forefathers.

Edward: THEY TURNED INTO UNICORNS AND CHASED ME AND WENT UP TO THE BATHROOM TO SMOKE WEED AND… _*sobs while rocking back and forth*_

Alice: Eeeeeenteresting…

Felyx: Turned into unicorns? You mean like this? _*Turns into unicorn*_

Edward: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!

Maelee: UNICORN POWAH! _*Turns into unicorn*_

Edward: _*Sobs* _WHYYYYYYY?

Jacob and Alice: _*Turn into unicorns* _

Edward: MUST ESCAPE! _*Runs to China*_

Alice: Now, being unicorns, we must go to Wal-Mart.

_*They fly to Wal-Mart with their unicorn powers*_

Alice: Quack, yo.

Emmett: Quackkity quack, yo.

Jasper: Let's go play with fire!

Alice: YEAHHH!

_*Grabs all of the lighters and matches they can find*_

Maelee: MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! *_Lights match*_

Felix: Wait, what are we gonna set on fire?

Emmett: EDWARD.

Maelee: MWUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

_*They all run to China*_

Edward: _*Rocks back and forth in Chinese corner* _I'm safe… safe… no unicorns… none… ha ha ha… safety…

_*Unicorn gang bursts in*_

Felyx: YOU SHALL NEVAH ESCAPE US!

Edward: NOOOO!

Maelee: _*Lights match* _MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Emmett: Is laughing evilly all you do?

Maelee: I'LL DO WHAT I WANT _*froths at mouth* _Now let's do this.

Jasper: Join us or DIE _*pulls out lighters*_

Edward: _*Rocks back and forth* _OMGOMGOMG NOOOOOOOO!

Jasper: _*giggles*_ I can spell my name...real good! J-A-S-P-E-R!

Edward: _*facepalm*_

Jasper: _*flicks lighter*_ SHUT UP YOU MASRSHMALLOW BUNNY

Edward: Buh...

Jasper: _*clicks in Z formation*_ THATS RIGHT! I WENT THERE!

Edward: OH GOOD GOD, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!

Jasper: Maybe I won't if you get me a smoothie!

Edward: But...we don't digest items of human nutritional value...

Jasper: I DUN WANNA HEAR YOUR EXCUSES! GET ME A SMOOTHIE!

Edward: YES MA'AM! _*runs to get Jasper a smoothie*_

Jasper: I like pancakes.

Edward: _*returns* _I'M BACK MISTRESS JASPER!

Jasper: GOOD _*inhales smoothie via butthole* _That tingles!

Edward: Uhh...I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS _*runs away crying*_

Jasper: _*Continues to enjoy smoothie* _TINGLYYYYY!

_*Everyone else just stares*_

Jasper: Oh... I forgot y'all were there... this is a bit embarrassing... _*slurps smoothie through butthole slowly to try and break tension but by doing so it adds to the tension but Jasper doesn't notice the extra tension because it tinglessss...*_

Emmett: I CAN'T TAKE THE AWESOMENESS OF THIS CHAPTER _*bursts into flames from overexposure to pure awesomeness*_

Alice: OHMIGAWD WHAT WE GONNA DO?

Jasper: _*sighs and brushes hair back* _I'll handle this, children. _*sucks up rest of smoothie and fire through butthole at the same time because he's that fucking talented* _Ha! Tingles!

Emmett: You saved me!

Jasper: I just gots an idea, all by meself

Emmett: An idea?

Jasper: A NAUGHTY idea ;) _*takes Emmett and slithers off back to America to their kitchen to do naughty things to each other, leaving everyone else in China, silent*_

Maelee: Is it weird that I want a smoothie now?

Felyx: YEAH, IT'S- wait, what kind of smoothie?

Maelee: Strawberry Banana

Felyx: Oh, okay, then that's fine _*snaps twice* _Edwina! Smoothies!

Edward: Yesh master _*trots away and returns moments later with smoothies*_

Maelee: _*sips* _If Jesus made a smoothie, this is what it would taste like

Felyx: _*drinks and spits it back on Edward* _I WANTED PEACH AND MANGO, FOOL! 

Edward: I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T CUT OFF MY BUTTHOLE D: _*corrects smoothie*_

Felyx: _*drinks* _Nom.

Alice: I WAN' SOME!

Felyx: EDWINA! THE LADY DEMANDS A SMOOTHIE!

Edward: _*appears with a smoothie and presents it to Alice*_

Alice: YAY! _*drinks*_

Felyx: _*pause*_ Question: Why are we drinking smoothies when we're vampires and they taste like crap unless we absorb them through our butthole?

Maelee: ...I have no idea...

Bella: _*moans*_

Everyone:_ *slowly turns to the direction of the moan*_

Bella: _*does unspeakable things to a giant stuffed blue bear*_

Everyone: _*turns back slowly*_

Felyx: Because that didn't just scar my mind...I'm gonna go back to Forks, and pretend I didn't see that...

Alice: I'll come too...

Felyx: I'll watch some nice porn and forget it...

Alice: AMENTOTHATSISTAH! _*slithers off to Forks with Felyx in tow*_

Maelee: ...I liek noodles...

**A/N: We apologize for it taking so long...heh...please don't shoot us! We have chapter 13 coming soon and chapter 14 planned! WE WON'T LEAVE YOU AGAIN!**


	13. Google

DUH DUH DUH DA- DA DAAAAAA!

Jasper: EMMETT! LOOK AT THIS!

Emmett: _*Races over to computer* _WHAT?

Jasper: Look… _*stares in awe at the Google home page*_

Emmett: WHOA.

Jasper: YEAH. It's epic. Let's look stuff up!

Emmett: YEAH! Try… llamas!

Jasper: Okay! _*types in llamas* _AWWWW! Pictures of llamas!

Emmett: :O, let's go get bubbles!

Jasper: Random, but okay!

Emmett: WAIT! _*types Virtual Bubblewrap into Google*_

Jasper: Huh?

Emmett: _*starts to pop virtual Bubblewrap*_

Jasper: OMG, THAT'S SOOOOOO MUCH FUN :O!

Emmett: I KNOW! You don't find this shit on Yahoo!

Jasper: Yahoo is inadequate.

Emmett: OOOOOOH, big word! I know what we can do on Google!

Jasper: WHAT?

Emmett: Find Chuck Norris.

Jasper: LET'S DO EET. _*Types in __"__find Chuck Norris__"__*_

Emmett: Are you feeling lucky?

Jasper: I am. _*Clicks the __"__I__'__m feeling lucky__"__ button* _HEE HEE HE- wait, what?

Emmett: Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Jasper: WELL then… I guess someone of that much supreme kickassidness cannot be found. What do we search now?

Emmett: Dunno.

Felyx: _*looks in* _Write blue waffle then click I'm Feeling Lucky.

**(A/N: FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER YOU WORSHIP, do NOT Google that. Sebastian gave me no warning when she gave me the link. Scarring shit there.) **

Emmett: _*does that* _OH MY FUCKING JELLY UNICORN! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?

Felyx: Lmfao. _*goes back to wherever*_

Jasper: SCARRRRRRED FOR LIFE _*Faints*_

Emmett: It looks so weird… _*tilts head* _eeeeeeehehehehewwwwww…

Jasper: Okay, I think I'm good… *_looks at screen* _WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU CLOSE OUT OF THAT? _*Faints again*_

Emmett: That did NOT make me feel lucky. Just disturbed. _*Closes window* _I have to cleanse my mind. _*Goes into solitude*_

Felyx: PSST, Maelee!

Maelee: What?

Felyx: Let's have some fun with Jasper.

Jasper: Wha… eww… meh… eww…

Felyx: Take these waffles and throw them at him.

Maelee: Why do they have blue food coloring in them?

Felyx: DON'T QUESTION MEEEEE.

Jasper: I think I'm good now. Now I shall g- _*Gets hit in face with blue waffle* _OH MY FUCK! THEY'RE ATTACKING MEEEEEE!

Maelee: HEE HEE HEE! _*Chucks waffles*_

Jasper: NOOOOOO! _*Hides under couch*_

Felyx: THERE'S NO ESCAPE! _*Throws waffles at him*_

Jasper: NOOOOOOO!

Felyx: Now tape this print out of it to his face so he can see it!

Maelee: _*tapes to his face*_

Jasper: _*dies* _X_x

Maelee: I FEEL EVILLLLL. MWUAHAHAHAHAAA!

Felyx: I thought you would. Evilness is quite amusing, don't ya think?

Maelee: YEEEEEES.

Jasper: _*comes back to life as a zombie*_ BRAS! BRAS! BRAAAAAAS!

Felyx: What. The. Hell?

Maelee: I'm not gonna ask. I'm just going to roundhouse kick him in the face _*roundhouse kicks Jasper in the face*_

Jasper: _*gets roundhouse kicked in the face*_ OH SNAP!

Emmett: _*Returns from mind cleansing solitude* _I'm back, everyone- what the hell? Why are there WAFFLES? Why are they BLUE? NOOOOO THE MEMORIES! _*Rolls around on the floor*_

Jasper: Eughheblehtuuuuuh…

Emmett: _*Recovers from emotional scarring* _JAZZY BEAR! YOU'RE INJURED! NOOOOOOO! What happened to you, my darling unicorn?

Maelee: I went all Chuck Norris on da fool's face, yo.

Emmett: How DARE YE!

Felyx: He went all zombie and started saying some shit about bras…

Jasper: Braaas…

Emmett: Of course! The key! I'LL SAVE YOU! _*Runs to the bathroom*_

Felyx: How the HELL are bras the key?

Emmett: _*runs back waving leopard print bra around* _I'M BACK!

Maelee: With… a bra… a LEOPARD PRINT bra…

Emmett: THE BRA OF LIFE! _*Straps bra on Jasper*_

Jasper: _*Jumps up* _I'm healed! And I look DAMN SEXY! _*Dances sexy dance and basks in his sexiness*_

Felyx: What the hell?

Jasper: My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard…

Felyx: _*turns into Uber Smexxii Unicorn*_ WUHOO!

Jasper: _*turns into USU and dances*_

Felyx: YEAH! MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD!

Jasper: AND THEY'RE LIKE ITS BETTER THAN YOURS!

Felyx: DAMN RIGHT! IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS!

Jasper: I COULD TEACH YOU, BUT I HAVE TO CHARGE!

Maelee: *_Stands there awkwardly* _So… cake is good.

Emmett: Quite.

Maelee: I had a dream about cake.

Emmett: Really?

Maelee: Yeah.

Emmett: What happened?

Maelee: I ate cake. It was good. _*Watches Jasper and Felyx's Uber Smexxii Unicorn Dance-Off* _YOU GO GIRL! WORK THAT UP-DO! OWN IT!

Emmett: Yeah Jasper! That's it! WORK IT GIRLFRIEND! You got this!

Maelee: _*flips hair sassily* _No, Felyx got this.

Emmett: Oh puh-leeze _*snaps in Z formation*_

Maelee: Oh no you DIDN'T _*snaps in Z formation*_

Emmett: Oh yes I DID _*snaps*_

Maelee: Oh, IT'S ON.

Emmett: Bring it!

_*Slap fight commences* _

Emmett: _*bitchslap*_

Maelee: _*shovelslap*_

Emmett: _*fishslap*_

Maelee: _*wrapslap*_

Emmett: _*saladslap*_

Maelee: _*penguinslap*_

_*Felyx and Jasper stop Uber Smexxii Unicorn Dance-Off to stare at slap fight*_

Jasper: Heh.

Emmett: _*pancakeslap*_

Maelee: _*chairslap*_

Felyx: Okay, I'm bored with this _*throws hot soup on slapfight*_

Emmett: IT BURNS! _*rolls around spastically*_

Maelee: SOUP! _*noms soup*_

Jasper: But what flaaaaaavour?

Felyx: Babycham and human feces.

Maelee: Um… _*slowly spits out soup*_

Emmett: YOU GOT BELLA TO SHIT IN THE SOUP? EW, MAN!

Bella: Uh?

Feylx: …*facepalm*

Alice: Pineapple!

Felyx: You what now?

Alice: …Well, I felt left out, so…yeah…

Bella: ?

Emmett: Uh?

Bella: Do vampires spurt out ice cream when they cum?

Edward: BELLA! SUCH THINGS ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR A YOUNG LADY SUCH AS YOU TO TALK ABOUT! I AM ASHAMED OF YOU, I THOUGHT I'D RAISED YOU BETTER!

Bella: _*edges towards Alice*_

Felyx: Heh

Edward: _*starts choking the chicken*_

Bella: …No one answered my question

Maelee: SILENCE! _*Slaps Bella right in da face*_

Bella: _*cries* _WHYYY?

Maelee: Because you shat in perfectly good soup and I ATE IT _*throws up on Bella then flies away as a unicorn*_

Emmett: WELL, SOMEONES PMS-ING TODAY!

Maelee: _*flies back and throws up rainbows on Emmett* _DAMN STRAIGHT I AM!

Emmett: Well, I'm not.

Maelee: _*confused* _Not what?

Emmett: Straight

Maelee: What was your first clue? When you slept with Jasper, or when you gave him head that time in the disabled cubicle?

Emmett: Oh shit, you saw that?

Maelee: Yup

Emmett: You were in the boys?

Maelee: You were in the girls

Emmett: …BOLLOCKS

Felyx: I got it on camera

Emmett: D:

Alice: WHYYY? YOU HAVE *ME*! AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH?

Felyx: Of course you are…I just need a lil extra blackmail material :D

Alice: _*insane smile*_ Heh

Felyx: Let's do inappropriate things in Esme's bed

Alice: YES! _*whizzzoom*_

Emmett: No comment

Edward: _*struts over* _Sup homedogs?

Jasper: Blue Waffles

Edward: NOOOOOOOO! _*sobs into Bella's crotch*_

Bella: Uh

Emmett: You know, that's the closest you're ever gonna get to getting laid, Bella.

Bella: I know

Jasper: It's not too late to change your mind

Bella: Sadly

Felyx: Edward, babe, you do realize you're violating Bella and she's liking it?

Edward: NOOOOOOOOO! _*throws self off random cliff*_

Jasper: Well, that's a little awkward…

Emmett: Wanna go Google things again?

Jasper: Hell yeah.

_*Everyone but Edward struts out the room*_

**A/N: Wuhoo! Chapter 13 is done! 14 may be up later :D Stay tuned for more adventures!**


End file.
